


sojourn

by concreteskies



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, also i am going to give my smol child lena luthor as many hugs as possible in this, and also this has a weird amount of british bake off in it idk what that is about, one where mon-el never showed up and everyone is gay, this is set in a better universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-10-30 09:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10873857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/concreteskies/pseuds/concreteskies
Summary: When Lena has to move to London for a month, she asks Kara to come along and join her. As friends of course.(Friends that smile at each other a lot. Friends that think about each other's lips a lot. That kind of friends.)It goes about as well as you'd imagine.





	1. Chapter 1

**April 12 th 2017**

She’s spent the past five days agonizing over how to tell Kara about all of this. She knows they’re friends. She knows that’s what this thing between them is. The warmth. The hugs. The softness: Friendship. But that doesn’t mean she knows a lot about how to do any of this.

Whenever she thinks about it, the moving, the leaving, she feels her fingers shake with the vulnerability of asking something like this and it scares her. It scares her to think that the answer could be no. It scares her even more to think that the answer could be yes.

How do you ask your best friend, _Oh I’m going to Europe for a month, would you like to come?_

How can she ask something like that?

She knows Kara has a family. She knows she has a job. She knows the bit about Supergirl as well, even though Kara doesn’t know that she knows and it’s all confusing and complicated and thrilling at once.

She knows that she can’t ask her to move away with her.

But it’s a Business trip and the company wants a journalist with her.

And she wants Kara.

It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

(And she really doesn’t know why it is making her chest hurt like this or her hands so shaky. It’s just a month. It’s just Europe.

It’s Kara.)

**April 14 th 2017**

It’s Wednesday evening and Lena still doesn’t know what to do. It’s Wednesday evening, which means, Kara’s evening.

It has become a tradition of sorts now, their own special Wednesday-evening-ritual. It usually entails watching TV shows way into the night and baking, or (if certain people didn’t set the oven timer) ordering in.

They had slipped into this routine rather quickly but it had all started a year ago, with a smoke detector, a phone call and Mary Berry.

**March 9 th 2016**

She is in her office when her phone lights up with Kara Danvers’ name. She feels the familiar tug at her lips, the way they curl upwards into the soft smile that has become a regular occurrence around Kara.

When she answers the phone however, she is greeted by a high-frequency and clamorous beeping sound and Kara’s voice hissing, “Just please stop beeping, nothing is on fire anymore.”

“Kara?” She asks, concern laced into her voice. “Is everything alright?”

“Lena, hey…hi,” Kara replies and Lena can hear vague moving sounds from the other line as Kara tries to find a place in her flat in which the noise isn’t as blaringly loud.

“So funny story,” Kara laughs nervously and Lena can just picture her on the phone right now, playing with her hair in that way she does when she gets nervous or embarrassed. “I kind of, might have possibly set my kitchen on fire a little bit.”

“Define little bit.”

“So you know I was baking and for some reason it started burning, so I took it out of the oven and well by the time I got it to stop fuming, the oven had caught on fire somehow and-“ Kara is rushing through this at about a thousand words a minute and needs to take a second to breathe, “it’s all under control now but the stupid smoke detector won’t stop beeping and- you’re good with technology right?”

“I’m coming over,” Lena laughs and just manages to catches Kara’s relieved sigh of “oh thank you so much,” before she hangs up.

 

* * *

 

They’ve tried everything. They removed the batteries, disconnected every single cable, tried reattaching it to the wall. And. It. Still. Doesn’t. Stop. Beeping.

It’s loud and annoying and cuts off every single one of their sentences and now they are crouching in front of Kara’s coffee table, trying to find whether there are any buttons they can press or literally anything they can do to just make it stop.

“I feel like Phoebe Buffay in the one where they’re up all night,” Kara laughs a vaguely desperate kind of laugh.

“Who?” Lena asks, still focused on the machine on the table. When Kara doesn’t immediately answer though she glances over at her to find her dramatically clutching her chest, eyes wide and shocked.

“Oh Lena,” there is a true kind of sadness laced into Kara’s voice. “Phoebe Buffay from Friends, the most iconic show to ever be on television?”

Lena shrugs but she feels the words pierce away at her chest anyway. She wasn’t allowed a lot of television during her childhood and subsequent years of living with the Luthor family. Lex occasionally snuck her into his room to watch Superhero movies but that is about the extent of knowledge she has, surrounding pop culture.

Kara is still looking at her though and so she forces herself to shrug again and musters a tight kind of half-smile before focusing back on the task in front of her.

Kara seems to understand though, even without her speaking, has always understood her in a way that she was never quite able to comprehend. The way she had always seen her, like she was able to climb underneath her skin and had decided that there was still a softness there, something worth protecting.

“We are so having a Friends marathon. I cannot believe that I can’t ask you who your favorite friend is right now. It determines so much of your personality.”

“Who is yours then?”

“I’m not telling until you’ve seen the show.”

Lena feels a real smile tugging at the corners of her mouth at this, feels the softly tilted curve of a smile break them apart. This is just like the time Kara found out that she had never had the whole birthday cake ordeal, with candles and making a wish and all. It had been three months before her birthday and the next day Kara had brought her a giant chocolate cake with as many candles as she could possibly fit on it to make up for it.

“So what does Phoebe do to make this stop then?” Lena gestures to the smoke detector again.

“She doesn’t.”

“Well, that’s incredibly unhelpful.”

She tilts her head a little then to get a better look at the machine and starts a seriously intense staring contest with it for a couple seconds before reaching for one of her shoes and hitting the detector repeatedly with the back of it.

It works. There is finally peace and quiet.

“So this is what you technology experts do,“ Kara laughs on a visible sigh of relief.

“Yes, it’s taken me years of university to grasp this complex mechanism,” Lena replies, cleaning up the mess of broken plastic and coil springs on the table.

“Well, I’m glad I called you.”

“Me too.”

They just sit on Kara’s living room floor for a couple minutes then, shoulders touching ever so slightly, knees bumping against each other, enjoying the peace.

“So you know, my original plan for tonight was to watch Great British Bake Off and eat as much sugary food as I possibly can. Do you want to stay?”

“Oh I wouldn’t-“

“I’d really like it if you stayed,” Kara’s voice is soft and genuine and Lena can feel the back of Kara’s hand just barely grace hers for a second.

“We can watch it together and I can tell you about my favorite contestants…” Kara glances at her for a brief second, “Unless you think that’s lame or have other things to do, oh my goodness, am I keeping you from something? I didn’t even-“

“It’s fine Kara,” it’s Lena’s turn to interrupt her this time and there is a small smile playing on her lips while she speaks. “I’d really like to stay and there’s never anything that could make me too busy for Mary Berry.”

The look on Kara’s face is almost comical at that, the way her eyes widen, the way her lips form a perfect “O”.

“So you’re telling me that you’ve never seen Friends but you’re watching Bake Off?”

“I do know some things,” Lena laughs and relishes the look of absolute glee that is taking over Kara’s entire face.

“That’s so cool, you know we could bake what they bake and make a whole thing out of it?”

Lena glances over to the kitchen, the oven that is still fuming ever so slightly, the dust swirling in the air, the coal-like substance on one of the baking trays.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Kara grumbles softly at that and Lena feels that soft laugh tickle at the back of her throat again. It’s becoming a familiar sensation nowadays.

“Tell you what, next week when it’s on and you have a less soot-blackened kitchen, we’ll bake.”

Lena didn’t know any of her words would ever have the power to make Kara’s face light up like this. But they do. 

“Ohh yes,” Kara nods enthusiastically. “I am going to get us matching pastel-colored aprons so we can look as fancy as them.”

“Make it fire-proof ones.”

“Hey,” Kara exclaims and Lena laughs at the offended expression on her face. “This is the first time this has happened.”

“Liar,” Lena laughs.

“Okay maybe not the first time but the smoke detector was a first.”

Lena just shakes her head softly and leans back against the sofa at her back.

“So if I promise I won’t cook, will you stay? We can get pizza?” Kara’s eyes are big and hopeful and it makes something in Lena’s chest feel warm and soft soft soft.

“I just want to thank you for coming to my rescue.”

Lena gives a short laugh at that and thinks about the amount of times Supergirl has saved her, has brought her back to safety, has stayed by her side. But they don’t talk about that. So instead she just says, “Pizza sounds great.”

And so their Wednesday evening tradition of watching Bake Off and baking had been born. There’s still nothing Lena can do to teach Kara how to bake. She remains horrible at it and there have been a fair share of catastrophic baking incidents that may have involved a fire extinguisher and several ruined baking trays.

But Wednesday evenings are always fun, full of light and laughter, full of takeout and falling asleep on Kara’s sofa. And once Bake Off had finished, they had moved on to marathoning friends and other TV shows Kara had deemed absolutely iconic and necessary. And Wednesday evenings had become theirs.

**April 14 th 2017**

Kara notices it the moment Lena steps through her door: the way she is making herself small again and it hurts.

It has been well over a year since the first time Lena had come over, before Wednesday night Bake Off and sugar-induced karaoke nights. She had worn that same shyness then, held herself in the same way, like she was purposefully trying to make herself smaller, as if she was trying not to take up space. And it had broken Kara’s heart.

Ever since then things had started to change, slowly but surely. Lena had become less hesitant around her, started laughing more freely, carelessly even, in that way that casts her entire face alight and makes her eyes crinkle at the edges.

With every week that passed Lena seemed to learn to trust this a little bit more. (This meaning, this friendship. This meaning, this promise to always be her friend. This meaning, whatever this thing between them is that makes her fingers shake and her lips smile so much.)

And Kara had gotten used to this Lena, her Lena, the Lena that was all soft edges, curly hair and a terribly, terribly hopeful heart. The Lena that wears pink penguin pajamas to bed and sings ABBA songs in the shower. Her Lena.

So it hurts to see her sitting at the kitchen table like this again, fingers fidgeting in her lap, hair nearly concealing her face. Small small small.

“So I was thinking we could make cinnamon rolls today and have a 90s movies marathon?”

“Sounds good.” Her reply sounds absent and Lena’s hands still haven’t stilled so Kara narrows her eyes at her before speaking again.

“I was also thinking I could use to blow torch to make us Crème Brulee.”

“Okay.”

This was all it took for Kara to turn around and practically march back to the kitchen table, pull back a chair and drop down right in front of her friend.

“Okay, what’s going on?”

“Huh?” Lena is looking up now but there’s still a sole strand of hair falling into her eyes and she narrows her eyes at it before blowing it out of her face.

“You never let me use the blow torch without giving me a ten minute lecture on safety measurements and fire regulations by what time I usually choose to do something else.”

“And why is that?” Lena smirks.

Kara rolls her eyes before training them on the floor. “Because I might have burnt your oven mitts a little bit,” she replies before looking back up at Lena again and exclaiming, “that is an entirely different story though and was also not my fault, they should really be fire-proof but what’s actually of matter here is why you are so quiet today and won’t even look at me.”

She watches as Lena’s teeth trap her lower lip between them and the way her hands play with the salt shaker on the table and before she knows what she is doing she is reaching out for her, gently taking her hands in hers.

She tries to ignore the slightly awkward way in which they are both holding the salt shaker now and instead focuses on Lena’s hand between hers. They’re so soft. She’s always been this soft.

“What’s going on, Lena?”

“I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay, anything, you know that.”

“I need to move to London for a month,” the words rush out and there is a slight quiver to them that makes Kara squeeze Lena’s hands ever so slightly.

“Oh.” It’s all she has. Lena is leaving. It’s just a month. But still, she is leaving.

“I am merging L-Corp with a company overseas and they want me there to oversee the process.” Her voice sounds calmer now, more gathered and Kara is glad for it because it makes her feel less like her chest is going to knot itself up at any second.

“There’s something else,” Lena says then and Kara takes a small intake of breath before pushing her chair back and moving to the fridge.

“I think we are going to need some ice cream for this conversation,” she declares and is glad to see Lena nod in agreement because she really needs the movement to gather her breath for a second.

“Half baked?” She hears Lena ask behind her and turns around briefly to hold up the container and smile.

“Yeah, you get the Chocolate fudge brownie, I get the Cookie Dough, everybody wins.”

She rummages through the kitchen for a few minutes before settling back down at the table, placing a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s in their middle, two spoons sticking out as always.

“So… the other thing?”

“First of all, I’d like you to know that you can absolutely say no, I know you have your family and friends and a job and other…obligations and I absolutely understand if your answer is  no and-“

“Lena-” Kara almost laughs, interrupting her. She isn’t usually the one to ramble and frankly it’s kind of endearing that for once it’s not her losing absolutely all sense of syntax around the other.

“Right. So they also want a journalist to accompany me and report about the new and advanced technologies and the events surrounding the merge and I asked whether that journalist could be you.”

Kara just stares at her blankly for a couple seconds and Lena seems to misread the situation entirely because she immediately starts explaining to her how much she’d understand it if she said no once again.

“Lena-“ Kara cuts her off again, dropping her spoon on the table. “I would absolutely love to come!”

“Oh.” It’s Lena’s turn to stare now. “You would?”

“I would, “Kara grins, chest blossoming with excitement. It’s London. With her best friend. She’s going to see Buckingham Palace and Big Ben and explore a different country. With her best friend.

Before either one of them know what’s happening, Kara has rounded the table and flings herself at Lena, successfully causing her to lose her balance on the chair and sending them both spiraling down onto the kitchen floor. Kara just holds onto her tightly though, all mess of legs and arms and hair and she can feel the low rumble of Lena’s laughter against her chest as she just holds her in a breathless kind of embrace.

“What was that?” Lena asks on a laugh once Kara loosens her embrace and they both scramble to sit back up on the floor.

“A hug,” Kara says, sounding a little sheepish. “I got excited, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Lena laughs and Kara already misses the sensation of feeling this laugh so close to her, to feel Lena’s mouth just inches apart from her neck, breath ghosting across her skin, laughing like this. Like it’s been easy.

“So when do we leave?”

“June,” Lena replies, “But I can push it back if that’s too early.”

“June is fine. I’ll speak to Snapper and sort the details tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Kara,” Lena’s words are full of softness and they make Kara feel kind of breathless again. She looks so earnest so stupidly grateful, sitting there on her blue-tiled kitchen floor and Kara reaches out for her again, takes her hand in hers and squeezes it just light enough to elicit a soft shiver from Lena.

“Well, you really can’t leave me here. Who else would eat the other half of my half-baked ice cream?”

 “Speaking of which, one of us is going to have to get up and get it before it melts.”

“But I’m comfortable now,” Kara whines, causing Lena to smile that smile that makes her eyes crinkle at the edges.

“Well, you’re the one who caused us to be all the way down here in the first place.”

“You are cruel to use my actions against me.”

“Well, I am a Luthor.”

(Kara does get up to get the ice cream eventually and she also gathers a couple blankets. They stay on the kitchen floor all night then, making plans for London, mapping out their month of adventure ahead of them. )

**June 14 th 2017**

Two months, countless phone calls, google searches, and late nights watching British Television (“It’s the only way to really prepare for the country, Lena.”) later and Lena is finally sat in her bedroom, opposite a packed suitcase, ready to fly out on the next day.

She considers calling Kara to check how packing is going. (Also to check whether she really, really still wants to come because she absolutely hasn’t asked her that every day since the day Kara has agreed to come with her.)

But she knows it’s Kara’s and Alex’ last sister night tonight and she would never do anything to tarnish that.

But it’s a Wednesday and it’s 7pm and she is always at Kara’s on Wednesdays and so she doesn’t really know what to do with herself other that watch random episodes of Friends while flicking through one take out menu after the other. (Surprisingly un-fun without a certain someone sitting next to you exclaiming, “Oh but we definitely need to order that” and “But if just for one second you pretended that healthy eating wasn’t one of your main concerns, which pizza would you choose?”)

Her phone lights up with a new text message and she is surprised to find that it’s from Alex.

_Packing unsuccessful so far._

Lena smirks and shakes her head softly. Kara.

It only takes another ten minutes for her phone to light up again.

_Would you please tell my sister that I absolutely do need several rain jackets because we are going to a rainy country._

It’s Kara this time and the message definitely shouldn’t make her smile as much as it does.

 _Define Several_. She types back.

_3._

_Take one, it’s June , it won’t be that bad_. She sends back, adding a little umbrella emoji at the end.

 _Thank You_. Comes a text from Alex only seconds later and Lena laughs openly at the added cringy-face -emoji.

 _She wants to take a creative break from packing now_. Another text, only a minute later.

_Would you mind just coming over, this could take all night and she keeps telling me she’ll need to ask your opinion on everything anyway?_

_I’m on my way._

 

* * *

 

It takes a collective effort from Alex and Lena to manage Kara’s packing situation and when they finally have her suitcase all packed and ready it’s already past midnight.

“Alright Lena, listen,” Alex says. They all fell back onto Kara’s bed after they finally finished packing and while Kara left for the kitchen to get some tea for everyone, Alex and Lena had remained put, staring at the ceiling in peace.

She had gotten along with Kara’s sister better than she would have anticipated. They both like science and so when Kara started bringing Lena over for game night, they had bonded talking about electromagnetic induction and energy fields.

It’s been easy really. And it had never been easy for her before. Kara had introduced her as Lena and that’s what she had been ever since. Just Lena. Just someone’s best friend. She never had to prove herself even once.

“Yes?” She replies, angling her body so she is facing Alex on the big mattress.

“Right. Listen… you are the responsible one in this relationship so-“

“Alex, Kara and-“ Lena tries to interrupt but Alex holds her index finger up in this big-sister-way and Lena falls silent.

“You are the responsible one and I am going to ask you to look out for my little sister while you are in London now. I know she can look out for herself. I know she is an adult. But she is still my baby sister and if anything happens to her-“

“I guess you know enough about science to make me disappear.”

Alex smirks at that and pats Lena’s arm. “I see you understand what I’m saying.”

“I’ll look out for her.”

“Thank you,” Alex says sincerely. “And Lena?”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad she’s going. And I’m glad she’s going with you.”

  **June 15 th 2017**

 She hates flying. She absolutely hates it. The second the engines spring on she can feel the way her chest constricts with the sound of it, feels her breath stutter, feels the way her ribs tremble with holding all of this inside.

They start rolling. She closes her eyes. She can do this. She can breathe. But her heart is beating somewhere in her throat, climbs into her mouth and it’s. All. Too. Tight.

Her fingers close around the cold metal of the arm rest. She can feel her knuckles going white. And then, feels someone place a soft hand on top of hers. Kara.

She is dimly aware of the gentle weight on top of her hand, feels the way Kara’s thumb feathers the softest of touches against her index finger. She forces her eyes open against the stark light of the cabin again and glances at Kara, hopes that the smile she is giving her looks reassuring. That it says something like, “I’m fine. I’m okay being in a plane. Please don’t worry.”

Kara just smiles at her in return, a soft thing of a smile, and keeps holding her hand.

“Back when the Danvers’ had just adopted me, Alex took me to the ocean.” Kara’s voice reaches through the noise of the cabin. “I had never seen anything as vast and when we went to dip our toes in, I was terrified.  I thought that any second it would reach out and swallow me up. But Alex took my hand and we walked together and when I had learned how to swim we went in to swim together as well. It’s been one of my favorite places ever since.”

Lena turns her hand slowly underneath Kara’s, releases her grip on the armrest and allows Kara to lace her fingers with hers. She feels her chest unknot a little bit, feels the way her fingers stop shivering. She’s gotten used to Kara’s touch, has gotten used to its strength, to its softness too. Has learned to find comfort in this small point of contact.

“Nothing is going to happen to you,” Kara says then, voice barely audible over the hum of the accelerating plane. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Lena knows that logically she couldn’t be safer than sitting next to Supergirl in a plane. But her fear is rooted somewhere deeper than that, is ingrained somewhere deep down in her bones.

“I was on planes a lot when I was little,” Lena hears her voice underneath the rumble of noise, feels the hesitance seep out of her words. “Lilian didn’t… understand my fear. She’d yell at me to stop crying but I didn’t know how. So Lex showed me programs on the board computers to distract me and it always worked.”

It hurts to think about her brother like this. In soft memories. It’s hard to have soft memories when they’ve all been tainted with betrayal.

Kara nods though and keeps on holding her hand while the other reaches for the board computer and searches through the movies. They’d been a doing a lot of this. Sharing. Knowing. Staying. Kara has always seemed to understand her best of all. And Lena has always thought that there is an intimacy in being known like this.

“So how about a Disney movie marathon, their selection is amazing?”  

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t remember slipping off to sleep but she is pulled back into awareness by a board announcement, saying that they’re expecting to land in an hour.

Her head is leaning against the window, singular strands of hair have gotten stuck to her cheek and she can feel the familiar weight of Kara’s head resting on her shoulder. She blinks down at the sleeping woman next to her, hair fanned out across Lena’s chest, lips slightly agape, nose scrunching every couple seconds in this way that makes Lena’s chest feel soft in all the right places.

Her eyes fall to their intertwined hands on the armrest and the paused Disney movie on the screen and she allows her thumb to grace over Kara’s skin for just a second.

It’s going to be a good month. She is going on a trip with her best friend. She is going away with a person that is all light and sunshine and big smiles. She is going on a trip with the person that’s currently drooling onto her shoulder ever so slightly.

She allows her head to fall back against the window and closes her eyes.

It’s going to be a very good month indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story was prompted to me by an anon on tumblr like 3 months ago now…. I am very very sorry that it has taken me this long to finally start writing it but I hope it is and will continue to be all you wanted. You can read the full prompt here: http://dancingontiptoes.tumblr.com/post/157587038826/no-need-to-thank-me-im-just-so-happy-you-are in case you are interested:)  
> Also thank you so much for reading, I am hoping to get you weekly updates on this but I am presently doing three courses at uni and it gets v stressful at times so I can’t make any promises. I hope you enjoyed it and have a lovely may!!:*


	2. Chapter 2

It’s their second day in London and they are still horrendously jetlagged. They spend most of the day alternating between napping on the fold-out sofa in Lena’s hotel room and aimlessly wandering the streets of the city, trying out every single coffee shop they pass by.

They’ve both had five cups of coffee by the time they end up back in Lena’s hotel room at the end of the day.

The living room part of the suite looks like some kind of camping ground: the sofa is folded out, an arsenal of British sweets on the coffee table, and Kara and Lena in its midst, wrapped in 4 different layers of blankets.

It’s 11 pm and neither one of them is feeling particularly tired so they are watching re-runs of some old cooking show, where the contestants are presently in the business of messing up a perfectly good lasagna recipe.

“Remember when you tried to make us that lasagna?” Kara laughs as they watch one of the contestants take out a completely blackened oven dish.

“No,” Lena says, pursing her lips in an effort to hide her smile, faking ignorance.

“Remember when you burnt it?” Kara bumps her shoulder against her side and Lena just shakes her head.

“No, I most certainly do not recall such an incident.”

“Remember how we then just sat there eating cereal all night, watching crappy TV shows because you didn’t have any other food.”

Lena gives a low chuckle at the memory then and nods.

“Yeah well, I also didn’t have any milk so we sat on my sofa passing a box of Cap’n Crunch between us all night, watching HGTV.”

They both smile fondly at the memory and Lena can feel Kara shift on her side of the sofa to lean over and softly place her head on her shoulder. Lena can feel the way her hair tickles her neck ever so slightly, the way her body moves when she sighs in content.

“Yeah, you’re a great host.”

“Excuse me,” Lena exclaims. “At least I never served you a cake made with salt instead of sugar.”

“I still can’t believe you ate that.”

Lena shrugs slightly. The truth is that Kara had been so excited about that cake. The first one that didn’t burn. The truth is that she’d never had anyone bake a cake for her before. The truth is that she’d never had anyone look at her like that before, like it meant everything. And if she had to eat two slices of salt cake to keep that expression in her face then it was worth it.

* * *

 

The show ends when it’s already nearing 1am and they’re both still wide awake. Kara opened a bag of popcorn at some point and they took turns throwing it at the other’s mouth. Kara had been a lot more proficient at catching it, which Lena insisted was only due to her professional throwing skills, and they went on throwing popcorn at each other until the bag was empty. There are still stray pieces of popcorn strewn all over the sofa now that they’re settled back in, watching the credits roll.

“We should probably go to sleep,” Kara mumbles. Her head is pillowed in Lena’s lap, hair tumbling out of her pony tail and into her face.

“Yes we probably should.” Lena’s hands find their way to the crown of Kara’s head, playing lightly with the loose strands of hair, smiling as Kara sighs and closes her eyes for a second.

“What’s up next?”

Lena fiddles with the TV magazine for a second. “Judge Judy.”

“Eh,” Kara says dismissively, “Can you reach the remote from here?”

“No, but I can get it.” Lena offers, even though she is very (very) unwilling to leave her current position.

“Don’t you dare,” Kara replies, voice quiet and lazy, like it’s taking a great effort for her to speak at all against the creeping fatigue. “You are my pillow and I am very comfy at the moment.”

“Okay,” Lena replies, maybe a tad too quickly.

They’ve been watching the show for about thirty minutes when Kara pipes up again.

“Do you have any idea what she is talking about?”

“Absolutely not.”

“I feel like every time we’re watching this, we realize that it’s not actually that great of a program.”

“Yeah,” Lena agrees. She has shifted positions so that she is now resting her head on the armrest of the sofa, Kara still resting in her lap, sprawled out across the sofa.

“We’re still gonna watch it though aren’t we?” Kara questions.

“Do you want to move?”

“Definitely not,” Kara’s voice is heavy with sleep now and Lena can see the way her eyes struggle to stay open, eyelashes casting a soft shadow on her pale skin.

“Me either,” she replies.

* * *

 

Lena can’t quite recall at what point of the night they eventually drifted off, but when she wakes up again it’s 4am and the world outside is turning grey. She shifts slightly before becoming aware of the weight still lodged in her lap and of the way her right arm is slowly losing all sense of feeling as it is pressed against the hard edges of the sofa and most of all, she is becoming aware of her left hand. Her left hand that at some point of the night must have reached out for Kara’s because they are entwined in a lazy but gentle hold.

She moves again, trying to alleviate some of the pressure on her arm and hears Kara grumble in protest. She stills for a second before whispering, “I’m sorry but I really can’t feel my side.”

She manages to shift just enough to move herself into a lying-down-position without startling Kara into awareness. However, just as she is settling back in and feels the waves of sleep trying to tuck her under, she feels Kara turn in her lap, arm lazily wrapping around her waist and holding on.

It doesn’t take long for her to go back to sleep then, with the world cast in grey and the entire softness of the spring time right here next to her.

* * *

 

Kara is not a morning person. She has never been a morning person. She always has ten alarms and snoozes every single one of them, and when she was a teenager Alex regularly had to pull her blankets away from her to get her to wake up. She is _not_ a morning person.

And yet she is pulled back into awareness that coming morning, when Lena, and therefore all of the warmth, extricates herself from her hold in the morning and starts rumbling around the suite. She is woken when the sunlight is still dim and overcast. She is not a morning person.

“Lena what are you doing, it’s-“ She reaches for her phone on the coffee table with bleary eyes, missing it twice before finally managing to turn it on. “5:30…in the morning. Come back to bed.” She takes in her surroundings for a second. “Or like, come back to the sofa.”

There isn’t an immediate reply and so she sighs and pulls herself up, using the backrest of the sofa as a crutch. Her hair is all over her face and she can barely keep her eyes open but Lena is up and she can hear her heartbeat ghosting across the room and the way it seems to flinch ever so often, like it’s been unsettled and can’t quite find its pace.

“Lena,” she calls then and watches as she steps out of the bathroom. She seems to regard her for a moment before moving across the living room and perching on the sofa next to her.

“Go back to sleep, I just can’t find my skirt.” Lena whispers gently. However her voice betrays her calm façade with a tremble and she is all wide eyes and ruffled hair. Her hands have caught a shiver and tremble with it and Kara has to bite back the urge to hold them still.

“Which one?” She asks instead.

“The black one.”

She doesn’t say that Lena owns at least ten black skirts that all look vaguely identical to her and instead shuffles to get up.

“You don’t have to get up.”

“We’re going to find your skirt,” Kara replies simply. She knows that whatever is going on at the moment is not about a skirt. And she also knows that Lena isn’t ready to talk yet. She knows because her eyes have that familiar ache in them and she holds herself like she is breaking, like she is used to the breaking. And if they are going to have to find a skirt before they can talk, then they are going to find a skirt.

“You really-“

“It’s fine, really, what are friends for?”

They spend about ten minutes quietly looking for that one (1) black skirt until Lena finally manages to find it behind her dresses in the wardrobe and alerts Kara to her find. Her voice, however, lacks any kind of triumph. It just sounds small. And so Kara allows her to stand there for a couple of seconds, twisting the fabric of the skirt between her fingers, before she reaches out gently and takes her hand so she can lead her back to the sofa, all the softness in the world poured into this one simple touch.

“Come and sit with me, Lena.” She tucks ever so slightly at Lena’s hand to bring her down to the cushions with her and watches as she sits back down, carefully aware of the space, pulling her legs up to her chest. Her eyes are still flickering across the room like they are trying to find something, anything, to settle the unsteady feeling inside her chest.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay,” she answers automatically.

“Lena, it is very early and I haven’t had breakfast, so please will you talk to me?” Kara keeps her voice gentle, vowels still soft with sleep. And she reaches out to rest her hand on one of Lena’s knees and gives it a tiny squeeze.

Lena sighs a heavy thing of a sigh before speaking at last.

“I’m-“ She hesitates briefly. ”Nervous, I guess. And it’s ridiculous, you know.” She’s rushing to speak now. “I don’t do nervous. I’ve done so many harder things than this before. I’ve taken over my father’s corporation, tried to make a name for myself in National City I-“

“Am still allowed to be nervous,” Kara cuts in, earning a glare in return.

“I’m just saying it’s natural to be nervous. I’m still nervous whenever I-“ She breaks herself off before finishing lamely, “go into work.” She can’t exactly _say I kind of feel like crying whenever I fly into a disaster zone_ but it’s the truth. It’s hard to be brave and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to the fear feeling like her chest might collapse at any second. But she’s learnt to do it anyway. Bravery despite the fear. Or maybe, bravery because of the fear.

“It’s just been so hard, you know?” Lena turns to her now, covers the hand still resting on her knees with hers. “Doing all of this… When I first took over the firm they all hated me. Every single one.” Her words break slightly at the edges, vulnerability creeping out at the cracks.

“They all expected me to fail and it’s taken everything out of me to prove them wrong, to be good enough for them to respect me.” Kara nods even though she hurts somewhere deep down in her chest with the echoes of Lena’s pain.

“This merger has gone well so far but I’m still a Luthor,” her voice trembles with the name and she takes a steading intake of breath before whispering. “What if they hate me for it too? Everyone else already does.”

“I don’t,” Kara says quickly, holding onto Lena’s hand a little more tightly in order to accentuate her words. “I never did, I don’t think I would have known how to, even if I tried. And everyone at L-Corp respects you. It’s just taken a little bit of time.”

Lena allows her legs to unfold and stretch out in front of her and Kara disentangles their hands to wrap her arm around Lena’s shoulder in a kind of half-hug, pulls her into her side, and leans her head against Lena’s.

“They will get to know you and, even if the Luthor name might overshadow you in the beginning, they will see you eventually.” She feels Lena gently reach out for her hand and take hold of it, allowing herself that small comfort.

“You are so incredible, Lena. I-“ She shakes her head a little, unable to properly pronounce everything that is Lena Luthor. She often thinks that neither the Kryptonian nor the English language really has a sufficient enough vocabulary to describe her. Like there hasn’t been a scholar or philologist, who could have ever anticipated her.

“You are such a light-“ Is what she settles on then. “You are smart and kind and intelligent and everything, _everything,_ good and they will see that, I promise.” She tilts her head a little then, angles it so that she can press the lightest of kisses against Lena’s temple.

“And you’re not doing it alone this time. I’ll be at your side all the way. You’ll always have someone to back you up, to cheer you on.”

“Will you fight everyone who doesn’t agree with me?” There is a laugh to her words but also a kind of timidity that Kara longs to remove.

“I will punch them even, just say the word,” Kara replies.

Lena laughs at that and Kara can feel the way her body vibrates with the sound. “Well I’m glad to have you by my side.”

“Always glad to be your sidekick.”

She doesn’t think about the irony of it all. A Super and a Luthor. Hero and Sidekick. An antithesis in itself but they still make it work. Lena squeezes her hand in silent gratitude. Oh they make it work.

“So can we have breakfast now - Oh and coffee we need to have European coffee and-“ Kara begins to ramble after a few seconds of peaceful silence, successfully managing to break the somber mood.

“Kara I’ve-“

“Got work to do, yes. But also, it only starts at 8 so we have two hours for breakfast. Can you imagine what we can do with two hours’ worth of breakfast time?”

“Fine let’s go,” she relents, sighing, like she doesn’t have a choice. But there is a smile in her eyes and soft gratitude laced in her words. (And she also never really seems to have a choice when it comes to Kara Danvers.)

“Yes,” Kara cheers.  “Okay so I’ve got a map and marked all the cafes and breakfast spots. If we go at it systematically we can probably hit five of them before work this morning.”

“Ambitious, I like it.”

“You know me, always reaching for the stars.”

* * *

 

They’re standing in a private elevator (because of course Lena Luthor  would get a private elevator) and watch as the small red numbers on the display climb higher and higher, quickly encroaching on the target 23.

Kara can hear Lena’s heartbeat echoing through the small space, hears the way it collides with the walls around them and it makes her hands flinch with the need to reach out for her.

16.

17.

18.

There is shuttering intake of breath.

19.

She reaches out with careful precision and takes Lena’s hand in hers, gives it a soft squeeze, acutely aware of her own strength, trying not to crush Lena’s bones while still making it strong enough, making it reassuring enough to convey everything she wants to say with this simple gesture. Things like, “you’re not alone.” Things like, “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.”

20.

21.

Lena turns her head, eyes making contact. Her lips curls upwards ever so slightly, eyes growing soft with the way she smiles.

“Together,” Kara whispers into the silence of the elevator.

22.

23.

Lena squeezes back, mouths a quiet, “Okay.”

The doors open. Their hands part. They step out of the elevator side by side. 

* * *

 

Kara has a tendency to forget that _her Lena_ isn’t the Lena most other people meet and know.

Her Lena is all softly strung and smiles that remind her of peach jam and strawberry fields. Her Lena is gentle words and laughter that makes her entire body shake.

But Kara finds that it’s very ho-, interesting, cool, and other adjectives you might use to describe your friend, to observe Lena working here.

She transforms herself as soon as they step out of the elevator. Her shoulders straighten, her eyes grow determined, her heels seem to have a quiet tremor in them that accentuates the way she walks and speaks of power and confidence. Kara watches her become Lena Luthor and her heart aches a little as she thinks of the little girl that had to teach herself this strength, that had to learn it in order to survive.

Kara watches her all day, scribbling notes onto her small notepad, watches as she introduces herself to person after person, shakes hands, laughs her work laugh (which they practiced after watching the episode of friends in which chandler has a work laugh and of course Kara immediately recognizes it, and of course Lena winks at her when the person she was talking to isn’t looking, and of course Kara’s knees go weak for a brief second.)

It’s only in these brief seconds in between meetings that Kara gets a glimpse of _her Lena._

Like when she goes to get them some lunch because she knows that Lena has a tendency to forget eating when she is stressed. (Which Kara can absolutely not relate to and therefore remembers to eat for the both of them.)

“What did you get?”

“I got every Sandwich they had at Sainsbury’s so we can decide which one we like best for future reference.”

“Kara, this is two shopping bags worth of Sandwiches.”

“So?”

Or like when they have a five-minute-interval between meetings and Kara can visibly see the way Lena’s shoulders sag as she leans back against her office chair. Kara rolls around the table on her own chair then. (Less gracefully than she would have liked and it takes her a good two minutes to even make it around the table at all, bumping into it every 2 seconds. You’d think being Supergirl she’d know how to navigate but you’d also be very wrong.)

When she finally does make it around the table to slide next to her friend, Lena is smiling at her, this fond smile that says, “You’re a dork,” without her having to say it.

“Look, Alex and Maggie are dog-sitting. This is Louis, he says hello.” Kara hands her phone over to Lena and they both flick through the pictures of a small and happy West Highland Terrier in them.

* * *

 

It’s 11pm when they finally leave the office and step back into the elevator. There is a soft piano melody playing from the speakers and both Kara and Lena lean back against the wall opposing the doors with a sigh of relief.

“You alright?” Kara asks and watches as Lena nods, eyes fluttering shut for a brief second. Then she feels the way Lena shifts her weight just a little, leaning her body towards Kara, their sides brushing before her head falls against the crown of Kara’s head.

“Yes, just tired- happy tired though,” She sighs. “It’s been a good day.”

“It has hasn’t it?”

They watch quietly as the numbers decrease.

 “I’m sorry we haven’t seen much of London yet.”

“We’ve got time,” Kara replies and then after thinking it over for a couple seconds. “Actually, how do you feel about a walk? I hear the Thames is supposed to be very beautiful at night.”

* * *

 

Night paints the sky black and the soft lights, coming from streetlamps and illuminated windows, create an almost movie-like atmosphere in the air. The river reflects the lights of the city in a soft swirling motion, turns them into liquid gold and other holy things. And in between the lights and shadows there are Lena and Kara, walking at a lazy pace along the embankment , breathing in the aftertaste of rain in the air.

“So you know Alex and Maggie?” Kara asks into the relative quiet of the night. There is the backdrop of traffic ringing somewhere far enough away from them so it doesn’t really touch them.

“Your sister and her girlfriend, whom I see every week at game night? Yes?”

“So after dog-sitting Louis today, they’ve decided to get a dog themselves.” Kara says, her feet practically bouncing off the ground.

“How excited are you?” Lena laughs, watching Kara’s face break open with the biggest smile.

“12 out of 10.”

Lena laughs beautifully at that, a sound that lodges somewhere deep in Kara’s chest and makes it feel all fuzzy at the edges.

“They want to name her Gertrude though.”

“Well it’s certainly…original,” Lena smiles to herself.

Kara grumble something intelligible at that and Lena turns to her, watches the way her frame is backlit by the streetlights, the way she seems to shine it all out.

“What would you name your dog then?”

“Scooby-Doo,” Kara replies without missing a beat. “You?”

Lena doesn’t reply right away and cringes slightly at the question, hoping in vain that Kara won’t pick up on it.

“What?” Kara asks her then and when she still doesn’t reply, Kara skips a couple steps and turns around so she is walking backwards in front of Lena.

“You’re gonna laugh at me,” Lena whines.

“Lena, I just told you I’d name my dog Scooby-Doo.”

“Well, I’ve had this dream for ages to one day adopt five dogs and name them after the Spice Girls,” Lena rushes the words and watches as Kara’s eyes light up with them. She also watches the way Kara visibly has to bite down on her lower lip to keep herself from laughing out loud. She’d glare at her if it wasn’t so distracting.

“Don’t laugh,” Lena complains though and punches her lightly in the shoulder, which only causes Kara to break out in open laughter.

“You are such a nerd,” she laughs when she can breathe again.

“Well then so are you.”

“That’s okay, we can be nerds together,” Kara replies and that just about settles it then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind words and comments on this story so far, I really appreciate every single one!!  
> Also I am on tumblr (dancingontiptoes) and twitter (concreteskies) as well, if you wanna come say hello :)  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

It’s Wednesday when they finally manage to go out for breakfast together. They are sat in a little café near Trafalgar Square, watching the rumble of the traffic, busses slowly driving by and pedestrians rushing towards the tube.

“Oh look, Lena,” Kara gestures excitedly towards one of the double-decker busses driving slowly through their street. “Book of Mormon. We should really go see that one too.” There is a huge print on the bus, advertising the musical and Lena has to smile at the way Kara’s eyes light up with it. She also chooses not to comment on the fact that Kara has said the same thing about every other musical poster they have passed throughout the city.

The two of them are sitting opposite each other around a small bistro table. There’s breakfast and two steaming hot cups of coffee in front of them. They've been sitting there quietly for a while now, both just drinking in the noise of the city, the faint honking sounds in the distance, the blue skies, the fact that they are here together.

“Do you want to try?” Lena asks, gesturing vaguely towards her plate when she is about halfway finished eating whatever the daily kale concoction is.

Kara purses her lips at the question and narrows her eyes at the dish on Lena’s plate.

“I’m good, thank you.”

“Kale is good, Kara. I promise, you just need to find a version of it you like.”

“Or,” Kara lifts an index finger as if she was explaining a complex problem. “Alternatively I don’t do that and stick with my scones instead.”

Lena pouts at her response and pushes another forkful of kale …salad? (is that what it’s supposed to be?) into her mouth.

“Please, do it for me?” she asks then, twirling her hair in a playful way that she knows will make Kara blush prettily and force her to try her kale.

Kara looks at her like she is in a serious conundrum now, all wide puppy eyes and a slightly frowning mouth, and Lena almost gives in then.

“Fine,” Kara whines then and leans over the table and towards Lena ever so slightly. Lena takes that as an invitation to bring her fork towards Kara’s mouth, who stubbornly presses her lips shut for a couple seconds before eventually relenting and allowing Lena to feed her.

When she is done chewing, she grimaces and takes about five sips of her still scalding hot coffee before glaring at Lena. (It’s a glare without any bite to it though. It always is.)

“That was horrible.”

“Come on it’s not that bad,” Lena chuckles at the remaining expression of disgust on Kara’s face.

“You know, you say that every time. And every time I let you talk me into trying another version of kale. And every time I expect it to have suddenly improved. And every time it lets me down,” Kara exclaims and Lena can feel the soft indication of a smile tugging at her lips.

“I have been let down by kale so many times now, but no more, next time I am absolutely not trying it.”

(Oh but they both know she will. She’ll try all the kale in the world if it means making Lena Luthor happy.)

* * *

 

They are walking along the top floor’s hallway when they hear voices filter through to them. It’s two guys, sitting in the common area. Kara hears the coffee machine in the background too, the clatter of a spoon against a cup. And this guy’s voice.

“I can’t believe we have to work with a Luthor though, out of all the companies he could have chosen to merge with, why this one?”

“She seems like a real uptight bitch as well.” The other is ready to agree.

“Not even really smart, if it has to be a Luthor, why not the smart one.”

There is laughter in the background, the sound of a high-five being exchanged.

Kara glances over at Lena, trying to ascertain whether there is any chance she might not have heard this, whether she could be spared this one time.

And there is no actual indication of her having overheard the words. Not to any other person that is. But Kara knows Lena and she knows her tells. And she can see the way her chest is deflated like she’s taken a punch, the way her shoulders are squared, feels the way her feet wobbly ever so slightly before she finds her footing again. And she can see the faint glimmer of tears in her eyes and it makes her stomach clench to see them.

“Lena,” she whispers, silently enough so no one else will overhear.

But Lena just keeps walking, steps straight and determined, headed for her office at the end of the floor.

It’s all Kara can do to follow, even though she feels a quiet rage build inside her, a rage towards those men that know nothing about Lena Luthor. Nothing about her bravery. Nothing about her kindness. Nothing about her intelligence. She is the smartest, most capable person Kara has ever met. The kindest too. And it makes her fingers shiver to think about anyone talking badly about her.

“Lena,” she calls again once they have reached the safety of the office and the door has been shut.

“I’m alright.“ Lena musters a tight smile and sits back down behind her desk. “Nothing I haven’t heard before.”

Kara walks to the desk after her, sinks down on the floor next to her chair so they are at eye-level, and places her hand on Lena’s knees.

“It still isn’t right.”

“It’s like you said, Kara: they’ll get used to me, they’ll learn to respect me.”

Kara nods fiercely and squeezes Lena’s knee at her words.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“I still feel like I should talk to them, I-“

“They’re not worth your time, Kara.”

Kara huffs out an enraged breath of air, feels the way her fingers clench with anger, feels the way it takes her breath. She doesn’t handle people hurting her family well. Her friends. Doesn’t handle people hurting her friends well.

But then Lena’s hand covers her own and slowly unclenches the fierce grip of it. As she always does. And Kara thinks that this is who Lena truly is: The unclenching of a fist. The softness of an open palm.

“Breathe, Kara,” she hears her whisper. “Tell me about the stars.”

And so she does. Because this is what they do. What they have started on an occasion similar to this many months ago.

* * *

 

  **September 2016**

She can still feel it buzzing in her chest. The anger, hot and heavy, the way it sits in her throat, the way it makes her want to scream with it.

Someone hurt her sister. Her family. And he’s getting away with it. And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts so much her fingers clench with it.

She almost ignores it when she can hear her phone ringing on the table. But she can see Lena’s caller ID, the ridiculous Snap Chat selfie she made her take indicating her on her display, and so she accepts the call.

“Hey,” Lena’s voice is gentle as always and somehow it seems to steady something inside her chest. Like she was balancing on a tightrope and someone finally took her hand.

“Hey,” she replies.

“Are you okay? I just wanted to check in with you. You sounded upset when I texted you earlier.”

“I’m okay I’m just-“ She hesitates for a brief second and then she tells her. Tells her about Alex and the guy that caused a building to collapse on her. Tells her about the way her sister looked in the hospital room. Tells her that she is fine now, staying with her girlfriend Maggie, tells her that she is taken care of.

“But the guy is getting away, no consequences whatsoever,” she finishes her story, feeling the way her throat closes around the words.

“And I am just so angry. And I know there is nothing I can do right now but it’s just…he almost killed her, Lena.” She can feel the tears prick at her eyes now, feels their weight against the dome of her mouth.

“I’m so sorry,” she hears Lena’s voice coming from the speaker and a single tear spills from her eyes.

“It’s just too much right now.”

“I know,” Lena sighs.

They stay on the line in silence for a couple minutes and Kara finds a small amount of comfort in the way Lena’s steady breathing rings through the speakers.

“I’ll be down at your apartment in 10 minutes,” Lena says then. “You’ll need a coat.”

“What? Where are we going?”

“I am taking you where I go whenever I feel too much.”

 xx

They spend almost an hour driving in Lena’s car. She has soft guitar music playing from the car’s speakers and once they left the highway, they seem to be the only car around at this hour.

When Lena finally slows down, they are in the middle of nowhere, on a small gravelly path in between fields that are cast in darkness.

“This is a field,” Kara states and a small smile flits across Lena’s face before she pushes the door open.

“Come with me.”

They walk for another ten minutes before they reach a worn down bar at the end of the footpath.

Kara looks askance at it and Lena can’t help the small chuckle that escapes her lips.

“There’s a ladder over there,” she is using her phone as a flashlight and directs it towards the wall, where surely enough, there is a ladder pointing towards the roof.

Lena climbs up first and then waits to help pull Kara up onto the roof with her, where they sink down on the tiles next to each other.

It’s a cold and clear September night and the air is heavy with petrichor. There is the faint sound of an owl calling and the rustle of wind in the barley but aside from that it’s quiet. Very quiet and peaceful.

Lena leans back against the roof so she is lying back down on the tiles that creak slightly under her weight. Then she beckons for Kara to join her. They are both facing the sky now and it only takes Kara one glance at its immensity to understand why Lena has taken her here.

The sky is painted black and strewn with millions and millions of stars. They are clear and defined and almost tangible in their brightness.

“It’s stunning,” Kara whispers, afraid to break the spell of the night. She reaches out for Lena’s hand next to her then, takes a hold of it. Her face remains turned to the sky but if it hadn’t been, she would have seen the way Lena turns to her for a brief second, would have seen the softest of smiles on her face.

“The farm belongs to a family that used to live very close to us when I was little. I came to hide out here a lot when I was a teenager. It became a bit of a distance when I moved to National City but I still come here on occasion when I need to clear my head or calm my chest.”

Kara squeezes her hand in hers and keeps gazing at the stars, looking for familiar constellations.

“Thank you,” she whispers. “For taking me here, for sharing this.”

She hears Lena’s gentle laugh being carried away on a soft breeze. “I’ve never taken anyone here before but I am glad I did. It’s nice being here with someone else, sharing the-“ she trails off for a second, lost in the scintillating sensation of the stars. “Sharing the enormity of this.”

“I know what you mean,” Kara replies. “I’ve always loved the stars. Alex used to try and teach me the constellations but I could never be bothered so I made them up by myself,” Kara chuckles. “It used to drive her mad.”

“Tell me some,” Lena requests in a quiet voice.

And so Kara does. She tells her about the constellation of _old lady with a poodle dog_ and _70s disco dancer_. She talks and talks until they can both see the sun rise above the horizon, the way it paints the night rose and gold. She talks until her chest unclenches. And Lena is just there, right next to her, holding her hand, taking it all in.

* * *

  **2017**

Kara manages to whisk Lena away from work on Friday afternoon. There were some last minute cancellations for meetings and so they found themselves with an entire afternoon to themselves.

“I swear we’re on the right one now,” Kara says when they find themselves sitting in yet another train. They’ve been on four so far and Kara had realized every time that it wasn’t actually going where they were headed so they had to return to Victoria station and try and find the right one all over again.

“You know, if you just told me where we’re going, I could probably help you navigate.”

They’re sitting side by side, watching the train speed through the dark tunnels of the London underground system.

“It’s not a surprise if I tell you,” Kara replies, just before jumping up from her seat and grabbing Lena’s hand to pull her towards the doors. “This is our stop actually.”

The short walk from the tube station to Kara’s destination surprisingly passes without any further incidents. (Aside from the fact that Kara doesn’t let go of Lena’s hand the entire time. Aside from the fact that it makes Lena’s chest go all fuzzy inside.)

Lena recognizes their destination immediately when they round the last corner.

Science Museum.

She turns around to face Kara so fast it causes them both to stumble in their steps and would have caused them to lose balance if Kara hadn’t reached out for Lena’s arm in order to steady her and keep both of them upright.

“Kara,” she exclaims. “How did you know?

“Well, I kind of figured you’d want to go here,” Kara grins in a bashful kind of way that is entirely too endearing. “I also figured you wouldn’t ask me to take you here because you wouldn’t want to bore me-“

“I-“

“I didn’t just meet you yesterday you know?” Kara laughs and squeezes Lena’s hand in hers.

“So you sure you wanna go?” Lena tries to ascertain. Because Kara is right, she did want to go here, but she also knew that Kara’s interest in science was, well, not existent. And she still struggles with accepting that people might do something for her just because they want her to be happy. She’s not used to that. But she’s getting better at it, learns to allow kindness.

“No, I took you here to look at the doors and then leave,” Kara deadpans. “Of course I wanna go,” she laughs. “Also I hear they have toys upstairs.”

Kara pulls at their still intertwined hands then and walks over to the glass doors, opening to the museum. And Lena smiles and smiles and smiles.

* * *

 

Kara spends most of their time in the museum watching Lena instead of the exhibition if she is being honest. She watches the way Lena’s eyes light up whenever they step into a new part of the exhibition, watches as her fingers try to reach out for one of the exhibits before remembering her place and pulling them away, watches the way she seems completely at ease the entire time.

Lena keeps telling her little technological anecdotes about the exhibits and Kara calls her a nerd every time she does, and every time Lena just squeezes her hand in response and smiles softly.

* * *

 

It is the most ridiculous thing. And it is also the most Kara Danvers’ thing they have ever done:

They are standing in a shop on Oxford Street, picking out friendship bracelets.

Lena had told Kara, at some point she herself can’t remember, that she’d never had a friend to buy friendship bracelets with. And so when Kara had seen the display in the shop’s window, she had grabbed her hand and pulled her in behind her.

“I was never much into the broken heart ones, like I get the idea but I think it should rather be two full hearts that make each other better you know?” Kara rants while taking slow, deliberate steps along the tiles of jewelry, analyzing them all with careful precision.

“Unless you’re into them,” Kara turns around to gauge her opinion.

“No, I’m with you on this one,” Lena nods.

“What do you think about these?” Kara holds out a bracelet with a small, silver star pendant. The chain is very slim and beautifully crafted and Lena can see why Kara has chosen it.

“I mean it’s not a heart or even friendship themed but-“

“It’s perfect,” Lena interrupts. She knows that Kara won’t be able to describe the accuracy of the pendant without giving herself away as Supergirl. But Lena gets it. She gets that it’s been a long journey to earth, that there’s been a billion miles between them, and somehow she is still here, like she was dropped from the stars. Like it had been the stars own way of saying _this is going to be important, this is going to be good._

“Yeah?” Kara asks.

“Yes, I love it.”

They exit the shop only minutes later and Lena finds herself smiling as Kara places the delicate bracelet around her wrist.

She places the same one around Kara’s then and finds Kara beaming right back at her with bright eyes.

“Now we’re officially bezzie mates,” Kara grins and Lena rolls her eyes in spite of the big smile on her face.

She does touch the bracelet almost reverently when Kara isn’t looking though. A friendship bracelet. For her. It’s beautiful and speaks of so much warmth and softness and she feels like she almost deserves it. Like she is finally allowed to be this happy.

* * *

 

They are back in Lena’s living room again, which is becoming somewhat of a regular occurrence since they’ve moved to London. (Regular occurrence meaning they’ve spent every single night out of the six nights they’ve been here, huddled on that sofa together, watching movies, chatting, falling asleep.)

There’s a Rom Com playing that Kara has seen before and Lena hasn’t even as much as heard of.

“Lena, it’s a classic,” Kara had gasped and that had pretty much settled their decision to watch it that night.

They are nearing the end when the male star chases the girl out in the rainy streets of New York City and starts kissing her senseless. Lena watches as Kara places her hand over her heart and sighs dramatically at the scene and she lets out a soft chuckle at her friend’s antics.

“Do you think that’s what love is?” Lena asks softly, watching as she kisses him back, rain dampening her hair. “Kissing someone out in the rain, not caring about a thing in the world?”

“Maybe,” Kara replies just as softly.

The credits begin to roll and Kara turns so she can face Lena.

“I was never quite sure what it was to be honest. Sometimes the poems make you feel like it has to be desperate. Sometimes the movies make you feel like it has to be easy.” She shrugs a little.

“So have you come to a conclusion?” Lena asks again.

“You know Jeremiah and Eliza went through a lot together,” Kara says, eyes looking far away as if the memories were taking a hold of them. “It was never easy for them, sometimes it wasn’t even easy between them. They were both working, busy people and sometimes they fought, sometimes they disagreed but-“ Kara’s lips tilt upwards now, “They always loved each other.”

Lena nods. She’s only ever met Eliza, a softly spoken woman, who had wrapped her in her arms not even a second after stepping through the door. A woman, who’s taught her how to make pumpkin pie and how to disable Kara’s smoke detector for future reference.  A woman, who calls her family.

She only knows about Jeremiah from stories though. She knows they were in love though. Knows from the way Eliza’s eyes turn soft whenever she talks about him. Knows from the way her fingers clench involuntarily at his mention, as if she was still reaching out for him.

“Jeremiah loved the Beatles. Like _loved_ loved them. He had all their records and knew all the lyrics by heart and sometimes, when either one of them was upset or they’d had a long day, he would put one of them on and start dancing with her in the kitchen. They were always swaying, just the two of them, like there was nothing in the world that could touch them. So I guess that’s what love is to me,” Kara shrugs then, looking at her like she is almost embarrassed for telling her.

“Love for me is dancing to the Beatles in your pajamas just to be close.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for all the lovely comments you've left on this story!!!  
> Also first part of this chapter is for Ally, bc I miss hanging out at Trafalgar Square and drinking coffee with you.


	4. Chapter 4

 They are holding a gala to formally announce the merger, present some of their newly found technological advancements, and to have people from both corporations meet and exchange ideas.

It’s set for 8pm this Sunday.

And it’s at 4pm that Kara barges into Lena’s hotel room, carrying various tools reaching from a curling iron to a full bag of make-up, and declares that it’s time for them to get ready.

This is why the two of them find themselves in the vast expanses of Lena Luthor’s bathroom, a 70s playlist playing _Stayin’ Alive_ in the background, getting ready.

“I just don’t see how we are going to take four hours to get ready, Kara.”

“Getting ready is the actual fun bit about going out,” Kara replies from her position behind Lena’s back. Lena is presently sat backwards on the toilet lid, while Kara is running the curling iron through her hair because she decided that _a gala is the one occasion to wear your hair down, Lena. Please may I curl it?_

Lena doesn’t often wear her hair down unless she is over at Kara’s on Wednesdays and it’s just the two of them wearing sweatpants. Kara always tugs it out of her tight buns anyway, runs her fingers through the loose strands, fingers feathering softly across the crown of her head in a way that makes Lena’s eyes flutter closed.

She rarely allows her hair to fall freely otherwise. Her mother had once told her that to be respected, one must look respectable. And open hair hadn’t been a part of that. “It makes you look too soft.”

Then again that’s always been her problem, hasn’t it?

However, when Kara runs her hands through her hair to separate strands in order to curl them, and every single time Kara tells her that she has princess hair and looks beautiful, it doesn’t feel as much like a vulnerability anymore.

“You know, we can also paint our nails after this and gossip about boys.” Kara tells her, fingers barely gracing the soft parts of her neck and it makes her shiver. “Or girls.” She adds then and Lena smiles a private, little smile.

Lena had told her once when the two of them had had quite a few glasses of wine that she’d had a girlfriend in high school. Kara had nearly choked and then done that flustered laugh she does sometimes around Lena. Then she had mumbled, “cool, cool, cool, cool,” under heart breath for a solid minute.

“Is that a nail polish-exclusive conversation?”

“No, I mean, Alex and I used to do that when we were little but I guess it can be a brushing your hair conversation too.”

“So, who would you choose, Han Solo or Leia Organa?”

“That is such a cruel question to ask,” Kara exclaims, voice climbing up a few octaves.

Lena does her best to remain still as she chuckles at her response. She can just picture the indignation on Kara’s face. And as comical as it is, she doesn’t want to be burnt with a curling iron because of it.

“Well, you know, sometimes my Luthor genes just shine through.” She is still laughing when Kara chooses to reply.

“Leia Organa.” That shuts her up.

“Oh.”

“I mean, if we’re speaking strictly physical I don’t think I’d be able to choose. But I don’t know-“ She removes the curling iron carefully from Lena’s hair and starts twisting another strand of hair around it. “I guess there is something about a woman in a position of power that is really attractive. Also the fact that she remained soft in spite of her power. She was both. I always admired that.”

It’s Lena’s turn to mumble, “cool, cool, cool,” under heart breath now.

 

* * *

 

 

They’ve done each other’s hair, nails and half of the makeup by the time 6pm rolls around. Lena has no idea how they’ve spent this ridiculous amount of time on it, but they did. (It might be because they spent a solid half an hour sat on the bathroom floor, waiting for their nails to dry, playing would you rather with increasingly weird questions. It might also be because Kara declared a snack break about half way through and they ordered pizza and then ate it, once again sat on the bathroom floor.)

There is still a 70s playlist playing in the back and Kara is sat on the edge of the bathtub, watching Lena as she applies mascara. Lena is vaguely aware of Kara’s face suddenly lighting up in the reflection of the mirror, watches as she jumps up and races over to the stereo system to turn up the volume, hears her exclaim, “I love this song!” before she rushes back into the bathroom.

It’s ABBA’s Dancing Queen and Lena turns around, eye makeup half done, the hand holding the mascara still half-raised, when Kara starts jumping around the bathroom, doing the same dance moves used in the movies.

“You’ve come to look for a king…” she sings, holding a bottle of Lena’s conditioner to her mouth in lack of a microphone.

“You’re ridiculous,” Lena laughs when Kara starts jumping, waving her arms, and replacing the make-do microphone in her hand with a blow-drier, a hairbrush and lastly, a pack of cotton pads.

 “Be ridiculous with me,” Kara grins and reaches her hand out for her, immediately picking up with the song and singing, “You can, dance, you can jive,” pointing at Lena with alternating hands as she moves her hips with the rhythm of the song.

Lena allows Kara to reach for her hand and to pull her onto her “dance floor” with her. She laughs when Kara spins her around twice, the clear and sparkling kind of laugh that seems to come so very naturally nowadays. The kind of laugh that makes her chest feel warm.

They spin around each other for a while then, both of them laughing, both of them smiling in a way that splits their faces open in a way that lets the light in.

Lena is feeling dizzy but it’s a good kind of dizzy and when she slips on one of the bathroom rugs, Kara’s hands comes to grab her waist immediately, steading the both of them and keeping them upright.

When the song ends they stand still, both of them panting slightly and Lena becomes aware of their proximity. Her face is mere inches from Kara’s and she can feel the labored rhythm of her breath ghosting across her chin. She’s close enough to see the crinkles next to Kara’s mouth that speak of laughter and joy and before Lena knows what’s happening, Kara reaches out gently to smooth back a strand of hair that’s fallen into her face and stuck to her cheek.

“I told you that getting ready was the fun bit,” Kara says, voice a bit more quiet than usual, as if the sudden silence is too frail to be broken completely.

“I stand corrected.”

 

* * *

 

 

The gala is held at a city hotel in the center of London. They arrive at the destined location in a black town car that was a courtesy of the firm Lena is merging with. It’s a relatively short drive that Lena spends entirely with fussing over her dress, smoothing non-existent creases and pulling at the fabric so that it covers her knees.

She can hear her mother’s voice ringing in her head. _You need to look presentable. You need to look professional. You are a Luthor, you need to start acting like one_.

She used to hate the galas her mother dragged her to, still isn’t fond of these events. There will be person after person coming up to her, shaking her hand, smiling, faking a smile. There will be the whispers behind her backs. There will be the men, trying to get a glimpse of her cleavage. There will be a mention of Lex, of her father, her mother. There will be the silence that always follows after that.

“You look great.” She hears the tentative whisper coming from her side then. And then there is a hand on her exposed upper arm, squeezing gently.

There will be Kara.

 

* * *

 

 

When the car pulls in at the drop off, Lena can already make out the people waiting outside through the tinted glasses of the car. There is a red carpet, leading inside the building and a dozen people in black suits and dresses, holding onto champagne flutes, laughing and talking.

The driver rounds the car in order to pull her door open first and let her exit the car. She glances over at Kara quickly, who flashes her a big smile and nods at her encouragingly. The door opens.

She solely focuses on the way her black heels hit the pavement underneath, then begins to straighten up and steps out of the car. Several people are turning in her direction but before she can try to make out any faces, she feels a presence by her side.

Kara has rounded the car in a speed that should make every single one of these people question her identity and is now stood right at her side. She looks lovely in the dim light of dusk, her blonde hair contrasting the creeping darkness.

She holds out her hand for Lena and she feels her lips turn upwards as she takes it.

“Ready?”

“Yes,” Lena replies.

They walk towards the building together then. Lena knows that people are watching, some of them even staring blatantly at them but she finds that she doesn’t care.

Because for the first time she isn’t attending one of these things on her own. For the first time there is warm hand in hers, not guiding, not pulling, not leading. Just warm. Just there.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re separated about twenty minutes into the event. Lena is talking to an investor about the different technological concepts they could use to build a stronger motor for his aircraft and Kara is investigating the buffet tables, chatting to people as she goes along, answering questions about her person and her role in the merger.

She is always aware of Lena though, seeks her out with her eyes whenever she can, ears perking up whenever she hears Lena’s polite laughter filter through the noise of the crowd.

“So what’s it like working with Lena Luthor then?” The woman in front of her asks. She much smaller than Kara, spotting streaks of white in her dark hair and is smiling in a way that reminds Kara of Betty White.

“It’s-“ What is she supposed to say. It’s Lena smiling at her from her desk whenever she walks into the office. It’s Lena, technological mastermind Lena, failing to use the coffee machine at work and causing it to break down spectacularly. It’s Lena leaning against her in the elevator. It’s Lena’s startled laugh whenever Kara spins her chair around so that she is facing her. It’s Lena talking to business partners in a stern voice that was soft when speaking to Kara only seconds ago. It’s people looking at Lena like they finally see the genius she is.

Kara just stands there for a couple minutes then, unable to really process her words. Some journalist she is. But then again, she’s always felt that she couldn’t sufficiently put everything that is Lena Luthor into words.

“She’s amazing, isn’t she?” The woman says then. And she is smiling like she knows.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Kara replies, eyes momentarily drifting to seek out Lena in the crowd.

  

* * *

 

 

The evening passes easily. There is a constant flow of conversation, chatter about countries and cultures and technology. Kara and Lena remain mostly side by side, broken up on occasion by other people, but ultimately they always seem to gravitate to each other before too long.

And even though the two of them remain oblivious to the fact, there’s a great amount of people watching the two of them interact:

Paul Ryan, IT specialist, watches Kara touch Lena’s arm and the brilliant way the CEO smiles at her then. He watches her lean in a little to understand Kara’s words, watches the soft chuckle they illicit, watches the proud expression that flits across Kara’s face for a second. They are standing next to a cocktail table and he wanted to greet them but decides to turn around instead. There’s still time for introductions later.

Elisabeth Conelly watches the two of them cross the room, watches as the crowd thickens around them and Kara’s hand immediately finds the lower part of Lena’s back to guide her. She smiles a wistful kind of smile before returning to her conversation then.

Robert Abboud is in conversation with Lena Luthor when Kara joins them. He watches the way Lena’s shoulders relax ever so slightly, the way she shifts into Kara’s direction immediately like her mere presence is pulling her open at the seams.

Olivia Hadley watches the two of them as they’re standing in front of one of the big windows with their backs facing the room. They seem to be talking about something, joking maybe. She’s worked with Lena Luthor before, has admired the woman for years, has admired her intelligence and strength, even though she came across as a bit aloof in their first meeting. She thought a woman like Lena Luthor was all professionalism and work. But watching her stand by that window, head thrown back with an easy laugh, she thinks that she might have misjudged her.

 

* * *

 

 

They are standing with a group of people now. Kara’s shoulder is barely brushing against Lena’s and both of them are holding a glass of champagne. Whenever a new person begins to speak, Kara leans into her, hair brushing against their shoulders and whispers little facts she’s learnt about this person into her ear.

“He has a dog named Moneypenny and I thought we could definitely add that to our list of approved dog names.”

Lena smiles at the comment and takes a sip of her champagne. They are presently listening to a woman’s anecdote about her husband’s new lawn mower and it’s not quite as boring as one would have anticipated.

“Oh, but we are so rude, gossiping about our relationships,” the woman finishes her story, suddenly looking directly at Lena and Kara.

Lena finds herself frowning ever so slightly, not quit comprehending the suddenly expectant expression on her face.

“So tell us,” the woman takes a quick sip from her glass, red lips smiling widely as she speaks. “How long have you two been together?”

It’s all Lena can do not to drop her glass.

What?

What is she talking about?

She is barely aware of Kara taking a small step backwards as well, fingers rushing to her glasses to push them further up as she laughs on quick, indrawn breaths of air.

“We’re-“ Lena shakes her head as she speaks.

“We’re just friends,” Kara nods next to her. Both of them are painfully aware of the six sets of strange eyes trained on them. The woman, who’d asked them the question is still smiling, even though a frown is etching itself into her features.

“Oh.”

“Just friends, you know,” Kara begins to ramble. “Friends, who travel, but friends. We work together too. So maybe we are work friends. But we didn’t meet at work so I guess just friends and-“

Lena reaches out without noticing and places her hand on Kara’s arm. Their eyes meet and Kara falls silent staring at her.

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to presume. It’s just the two of you seem very close. But friends-“ she says and even though Lena thinks she is doing her best not to sound placating, she doesn’t quite succeed. “That’s wonderful.” She finishes lamely.

“Yes,” Kara nods feverously and Lena finds herself nodding as well.

Yes they are friends. Close friends. Best friends even.

She realizes that she still hasn’t stopped touching Kara’s arm, becomes aware of her thumb drawing slow circles into the soft skin there and quickly retracts.

They are friends.

She stares at her feet for a few seconds, tries to shake herself out of the conversation, barely listens to the change in topic, something about a new cat.

She doesn’t know why her chest suddenly feels like it’s been cast in lead. She doesn’t know why her mouth feels like underwater, like she could very easily drown within.

 

* * *

 

 

The hotel’s bathroom is impressive; all tall walls, marble sinks with golden faucets and opulent stucco embellishing the wall.

Kara doesn’t have to wait long before she can hear a flush and Lena Luthor steps out of one of the stalls and halts for a second upon finding Kara leaning against one of the sinks.

“Hi,” Kara waves awkwardly and watches as Lena moves to the unoccupied sink to wash her hands.

“Kara… Did you follow me here?” There is a smirk somewhere in those words but it doesn’t quite reach her lips yet.

“Yes,” Kara turns so that she is looking at Lena. “Is that weird?”

“I… don’t know yet.” Lena turns around at that, offers her a small smile. Kara breathes a laugh at her reply and steps forward a little.

“Is everything okay, Lena?” She asks then. Her eyes are wide and serious and her hands are fiddling with the fabric of her dress.

“Yes,” Lena smiles and tries a small laugh. It falls out flat though, unconvincing to even her ears.

“Okay, try again.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Just tired. Champagne always makes me tired.”

“Lena, you won’t even look at me ever since…” Kara seems to think about that one for a bit, retracting their steps in her mind and Lena finds herself cringing a little when she sees the dawning realization flitter across Kara’s face.

“Is this because Gabrielle thought we were dating?”

“No?” Lena replies too quickly.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry if that made you uncomfortable I really-“

“If it made me uncomfortable?” Lena interrupts her, disbelief tingeing her voice.

“Yes, that’s why you can’t look at me right? I am so sorry, Lena, really I-“

“I thought you were uncomfortable!” She exclaims, interrupting Kara once again. Kara stares at her after this, eyebrows drawn together, forehead crinkled.

“Why would I be uncomfortable?” Kara frowns.

“Well for starters I am a Luthor. I don’t think people would really like to be associated with me in that way.” Lena tries her best to keep her voice steady, to hide away any trace of vulnerability, to hide away the traces of pain her name has brought her. But looking at Kara, she knows she is failing.

“Lena-“

“People may respect me here but still I-“

“Lena-“ Kara calls again, voice gentle but firm, demanding her to listen.

And so Lena looks up, makes herself meet Kara’s eyes. Kara smiles at her a little then and slides down, back against the bathroom’s wall. Once she’s sat on the floor she pats the tiles next to her.

“Sit with me.”

Lena steps closer to her then, slides down onto the checkboard-colored tiles and rearranges her dress a little bit in an effort to keep her hands busy.

“Lena, you are so much more than a Luthor. Not just to me. To everyone here.” Lena looks with something like timidity in her eyes. “You are so smart and kind and generous and god Lena-“ Kara touches her hand briefly at that, “Every single person here would be lucky to date you. Quite genuinely I am flattered she thought you would ever go with me.”

“Kara-“

“No, Lena, you are so much. You are so good and strong and you inspire me every single day. I can’t even begin to comprehend how she’d think you’d date me.”

“I assure you it’s quite the opposite,” Lena says then, voice small but sure.

“What?”

“Kara, you are….the sun,” she finishes at a lack for better words and at Kara’s quizzical eyes she adds: “You are light and good and funny and smart and so incredibly beautiful, it’s just incomprehensible that you would date someone like me.”

“Someone who is like all of the stars,” Kara replies and then the two of them look at each other for a second, both of their faces splitting open in quiet laughter.

“That was very cheesy,” Lena laughs.

“You started it.”

Lena laughs again and they slip into silence for a few moments, content to just be sitting next to each other on yet another bathroom floor.

“So you’re not uncomfortable?” Lena asks then and Kara reaches out to cover the back of her hand with hers again.

“No, I wasn’t uncomfortable, I just thought you were.”

“No, I was just worried you’d be angry with me.”

“Lena, I would never be angry with you.”

Lena sighs then, allows her head to fall back against the wall for a moment.

“We should probably go back in,” Kara suggests softly at her side.

“Yes.”

“Five more minutes?”

“Yes.”

 

* * *

 

 

They do get up five minutes later, check their appearance in the mirror for a second before they walk towards the door, leading outside. Kara reaches it before her, hand finding the silver knob and twisting it in her hand. She is already pushing the door open when she decides to turn back for a second.

“Lena?”

She is standing right behind her, regarding her curiously.

“Yes?”

“I am proud to call you my friend you know?”

The words settle against her skin and climb underneath it in the softest way. Proud. Proud. Proud. It makes her heart pound with it.

“I’m proud to call you my friend, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s far past midnight when the two of them reach their hotel again. The sky isn’t black exactly, more a dusty grey with the stars cloaked away. The streets are still busy, cars taking lazy turns at intersections, people walking home or to another club, laughing with each other, windows alight with life.

They’d taken their shoes off as soon as they entered the car and find themselves unable to put them back on. So they walk through the hotel lobby and to the elevators at the back barefoot, heels dangling from their wrists.

They are companionably quiet, both too tired to speak right now and when the elevator dings at their floor, they walk slowly through the hallway before they come to a halt in front of their doors. Kara is in room number 506 and Lena in 508. (Theoretically that is. Practically, Kara has fallen asleep in Lena’s room every single night of the week because they hung out at night, ended up on the sofa and eventually became too tired to move again.)

They stand in front of their closed doors for a couple seconds, both fumbling with their keys, both moving slowly, very slowly.

Lena finds herself racking her brain for an excuse to invite Kara in. She’s gotten used to having her around and finds herself unwilling to leave her just yet. She doesn’t think about what it means though. Very actively tries not to think about the way her hands are aching to reach out for her and pull her inside her room behind her. It’s like muscle memory, the way her hands anticipate the touch, the way they long for it.

“Do you wanna come in for a bit?” she asks then. She’ll blame the fatigue for it later. Will blame the fatigue for her willingness to appear vulnerable. She doesn’t do this. Would never do this awake.

“Yes,” Kara seems relieved and drops her keys back into her bag immediately.

And so they enter her room together.

 

* * *

 

 

They both move to the sofa immediately, drop down on it and stare at the ceiling in peace.

“Do you want a potsticker?” Kara asks into the silence of the room. Lena’s eyes had been closed but flutter open again at the unexpected question.

“What?”

“I took some,” Kara replies, looking a little embarrassed but she’s also already reaching for her purse as she speaks.

“In your purse?”

“I took Tupperware.”

“Of course you did,” Lena chuckles.

“So, do you want one? I saved you some?”

“My my Kara Danvers willing to share potstickers, I didn’t think I’d live to see the day. I need to text Alex.”

“Your phone is dead.”

“I’ll text her in the morning. She is not going to believe this.”

“So do you want one or do you just want to mock my love for food?”

“Both.”

Kara shakes her head but there is a smile playing on her lips and she passes the Tupperware container to Lena, who sleepily reaches for the fried food and sits up just enough to eat it.

Once the container is empty, they lay back down again, occasionally commenting on their favorite parts of the evening in between sleepy sighs and closed eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

They fall asleep on the sofa again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've taken ages to update this I'm so sorry, uni got so stressful and then I went away on holiday so I didn't really have the time to write.  
> Also this chapter turned out completely different to what I had planned for it and I am still not sure whether I like it but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Anyway as always thank you so much for reading and also for all the lovely comments I've gotten for this so far!!!


	5. Chapter 5

It’s 3pm and Lena Luthor is sat in her office, fending a battle of wills against her coffee mug. Her empty coffee mug to be precise.

She had broken the coffee machine in her office in the first week and ever since then, Kara had usually grabbed them a cup of coffee during her lunch break. Or they had wandered into the break room together to use the still functioning machine there.

But Kara isn’t in the office today, because she is participating in a private tour through the productions department of the firm so that she can include their work in her article. It’s important of course and Kara had beamed with excitement when she had told her about this opportunity. She had been running in and out of Lena’s hotel room this morning, presenting her various outfits and asking her opinion. And Lena had been thrilled to be of assistance, to see her friend this excited, to see her work with another department because they’d seen her talent as she’d done many months ago.

And still.

She finds that she misses her.

Just because of the coffee of course.

Not because she looks up from her paperwork every couple minutes, expecting Kara to be sat opposite her, doodling into her notepad, tongue sticking out slightly from her lips in concentration.

Not because the building is still strange and it’s raining outside and she misses having Kara’s gentle presence by her side.

She is definitely not missing her because of that.

She just really wants some coffee and she cannot go into the break room. Not when every time she enters, people start to filter out quietly. Not when the room is all stark white walls and harsh furniture and echoing with quiet then.

 

* * *

 

It’s 3:30, and she is standing in front of the break room’s closed door.

She is a CEO of this firm now. She can enter this break room. She recalls Kara telling her that she can do anything, sometime way back when they first met. And while she is sure that entering a room wasn’t what she’d had in mind then, it still makes her hand reach out for the knob, twist, and open.

She notices quickly that only one of the tables is presently occupied and breathes out slowly as she steps inside the room.

It’s a small, rounded woman with blonde-ish hair that is beginning to fade into a soft white at the edges. She is eating soup out of a plastic container and flipping through a magazine when Lena enters the room. She looks up from her magazine briefly and smiles at her in a way that makes her entire face move with it.

“Good afternoon, Miss Luthor.” She says cheerfully and it reminds her of Kara in a way.

“Good afternoon.” She finds herself smiling at the woman, raiding her brain for a name but coming up empty.

“Oh I’m Molly Walters. I’m Mr. Danes secretary.”

“Oh,” Lena’s eyes light up with recognition. Kara had told her about Molly, the break room lady, before. She goes to have lunch with her on occasion, always coming back with a biscuit recipe or the sudden desire to learn knitting. “You’re Kara’s friend.”

Molly beams at her reply, genuinely excited. “Yes, where is that girl of yours today?”

“Kara?”

“Yes.”

“She’s working on a different project today,” Lena replies and pours the steaming coffee into her mug.

“Oh, such a shame I brought her a bag of crisps.”

Lena turns to look at the other woman, seemingly wearing an expression of slight puzzlement because she laughs and rushes to explain.

“Oh, she’s been keeping me company while you were in private meetings. I feel like she adopted me as her grandmother a little bit,” she chuckles but her eyes are fond and gentle when she speaks of Kara.

“Yes, she’d do that,” Lena laughs in reply.

“When is she going to be back?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Oh that's good then,” Molly smiles. “She is always very kind, a good person to have around, very-“ She looks at her for a second, “lovable.” And then after a moment of thought she adds, “You’re very lucky to have her as your friend.”

“I know.”

And she does.

 

* * *

 

She’d had a last minute meeting in the conference room for the past hour when she finally returns to her office at 5pm. She’s rubbing her temples, trying to fend off the approaching headache, and is mentally calculating the bare minimum of work she’ll have to do before she can finally leave the office. She’s therefore deep in thought when she pushes open the door to her office and her eyes don’t immediately register the person sitting on her sofa, reading a book.

“Hi,” she hears then and turns quickly to find the source of the voice.

“Kara?”

“Hi,” she repeats, accompanying it with a small wave this time.

“What are you doing here?”

“We finished early, so I thought I’d come by and see whether I can whisk you away.”

Lena glances at the folders in her arms and at the stack of papers still set up on her table, pondering the question for a second.

“If not that’s fine, Lena,” Kara rushes to say, “I can just hang back here and read my book, I just didn’t want to go back to the hotel on my own.”

“No,” Lena replies equally rushed. “I just need to fill out some last forms but the rest can wait until tomorrow.”

“Lena you really don’t-“

“Kara, I am really ready to get out of here, like really ready,” she almost laughs. She’s been sat in a meeting, in a room that consisted mostly, if not exclusively (by a 1% margin), of men; and she’d been listening to a guy called Mark drone on about his incredibly selfish plan of action for most of that hour.

Her headache had formed within seconds and the only thing that had provided her with some light, was the way that the one other woman in the room kept rolling her eyes in her direction whenever he started speaking again.

“Bad day?” Kara asks.

“Oh, you have no idea,” she says, “So seriously just give me half an hour okay?”

* * *

 

The clouds have dispersed by the time they leave the office and the sun is already painting the sky in dusty rose when they finally settle down in St. James Park.

Kara brought a picnic blanket and they’re now lying by a small cluster of trees, taking in the evening rustle of the park. There is a soft breeze in the grass and some children, walking next to their parents, accompanied by the faint hum of traffic. The air smells fresh, like grass and earth and petrichor.

Kara is sprawled out across the blanket, head resting in Lena’s lap and both of them are looking up, at the silhouette of the evening sun and purple clouds.

“Look, that one is an aquarius,” Kara points at a long stretch of clouds far above the crown of trees.

“And there’s you in the mornings,” Lena points at another set of clouds and feels Kara vibrate with laughter against her stomach, before she reaches up to hit the vague direction of Lena’s arm.

“Rude.”

Lena’s hands find their way into Kara’s curls to untangle them in the slow and steady motion she’s gotten so very used to. They continue gazing at the clouds though, pointing out images every so often and Lena can feel it every time Kara laughs and the clouds shift into darker shades and Lena is thinking about the word _lovable_ and all its meaning.

“Look, there’s the moon,” Kara points at the soft, crescent shape against the darkening sky.

“I love when you can see the sun and moon together.”

“Yes,” Kara agrees. “Makes you think anything is possible.”

And there is something soft and untouched blossoming in Lena’s chest at the words. And she thinks about the sun and the moon and Kara in her lap and _very lovable, lovable, lovable._

 

* * *

 

 

They’re wandering home when the first drops hit. The sky has already darkened and the pavement Is illuminated by streetlights and the neon lamps in shop windows.

Lena has just enough time to say, “It’s gonna rain,” when the downpour hits. It’s as if the sky had opened its gates and is tipping out an entire flood. Kara squeals a little next to her and grabs her hand, using the picnic blanket in an effort to cover their heads, as she pulls them across the street and towards a bus stop.

“We can hide there,” she almost shouts, pulling at Lena’s hand as they race along the pavement. They’re feet hit several puddles, splashing water in the process and Kara laughs a breathless kind of laugh every single time and somehow that makes this whole situation worth it in the end.

When they finally do reach the bus stop, they are already soaked. Both of them are panting a little and Kara tries to swipe her hair out of her face, which is sticking to her cheeks and forehead. She finally gives up the effort though and just turns to Lena to offer her a smile.

“Guess we’re staying here for a little while.” Both of them turn to watch the rain hitting the pavement outside of the bus stop. The drops sparkle in the streetlights and scintillate almost golden against the darkness of the sky. The lights of the shops are reflected in the water running along the pavement and it makes Lena think of old, French pieces of art. The kind of pieces that always feature rainy cities and a lot of love.

“I used to be really scared of the rain,” Kara comments, moving over to the set of benches and sits down on one, legs swinging out from underneath her.

Lena goes to sit beside her and wraps her arms around herself as she does so. She’s shivering ever so slightly, the sudden drop in temperature and cold breeze of rain beginning to settle underneath her skin.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I didn’t really…know it,” Kara says carefully.

Lena remembers having read that there wasn’t any rain on Krypton and her heart aches with pictures of a little Kara Danvers, terrified of the new forms of weather, of all the things that were new and strange. She aches for the little girl, who had lost her world. And she aches because she cannot tell her.

So she just grabs Kara’s hand, not saying anything, but hoping that this simple touch would convey her meaning anyway.

“You’re shivering,” Kara whispers and Lena only then notices the slight tremor to her hand.

“I’m fine.”

Kara just glares at her in response and begins ruffle around her bag until she produces a beautiful pastel-colored scarf. She then unfolds it and gently wraps it around Lena’s shoulders, rubbing her palms along her arms to spark some heat. Lena tries not to think too hard about the way it makes her skin tingle with warmth wherever Kara touches her.

“Thank you,” she whispers once Kara breaks their contact. (Even though she seems loathe to do so.) Lena wraps the scarf a little tighter around herself then and leans back against the glass wall of the bus stop.

She doesn’t ask why Kara isn’t cold, even though she’d been doing that from time to time: Ask her specific questions and watch her come up with ridiculous explanations that she thinks sound human but are actually just plain hilarious. She doesn’t do it as frequently though. She knows that Kara will tell her when she is comfortable with it and until then, she is just content to sit next to her, wrapped in a pastel-colored scarf, brushing the back of her hand against Kara’s.

“So you’re not afraid of rain anymore then?”

“No,” Kara smiles fondly. “I actually think it’s rather beautiful now.”

“What changed?”

“Alex. She took me out one night, when I was hiding underneath my covers and we looked at the sky together. She told me that the rain was just the angels tipping out their bathtubs,” She chuckles as little. “Then we went outside and danced in the rain until we were soaked. Eliza was so angry about the mud but she just had us shower and then never spoke about it again.”

They both look out on the city again. There is a dog running through puddles and a girl in a yellow rain coat chasing after it. Otherwise their street is pretty deserted, aside from the occasional car, splashing up water. It’s peaceful, the way the steady pitter patter of the rain hits the stone pavement and the roof, covering them.

“It is rather beautiful, isn’t it,” Lena comments quietly.

She doesn’t notice Kara turning her head ever so slightly in her direction when she hums a soft approval.

* * *

 

It’s an evening like any other really. The ending sequence of Breakfast at Tiffany’s is playing on their television screen, they’re both sprawled out on the sofa, and Kara is snoring lightly at Lena’s side.

She’s sitting with her back slightly propped up against the cushions and is smiling down at Kara, taking in her soft features, her slightly opened mouth, the soft shadow of eyelashes against her cheek.

The Moon River theme is playing and Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard are finally kissing, sinking into the kiss like it’s the only thing to keep them from drowning. And Lena thinks about the word _lovable_ once more, about its soft vowels, about Kara’s soft face.

She looks down at her then, at the way she is nestled into her side, sleeping. It scares her a little sometimes. How easy it’s been to be with her like this.

It’s never been easy before. There was always the pushing and pulling. There was always the knowledge that softer things, things like Kara, things like 1am laughter in a pastel colored kitchen, were only temporary. That people would eventually leave. But they persisted.

And she’s so tired of all of this. She’s so tired of denying herself this.

She’s so tired of denying that there isn’t a certain amount of feeling. Of denying that there’s a flutter in her chest whenever Kara looks at her. Of denying that she feels dazed whenever she takes her hand.

She’s so tired of pretending that she doesn’t know she is falling. She’s known for a long time now, in fact, she still remembers that day just barely over a year ago now, when she realized that maybe, just maybe, loving Kara Danvers could be the easiest thing in the world.

 

* * *

 

**That day, just barely over a year ago now**

Objectively speaking, it’s a day like any other. Except everything hurt.

She manages to keep herself pieced together throughout the day, has one meeting after the other, smiles, fills out paperwork, remembers to ask her secretary about her doctor’s appointment.

Objectively speaking, she is fine.

But every time there is police siren outside, she feels her fingers clench.

It’s been years now but there’s still something heavy about this day.

Something fierce. Something that makes her think of a museum of empty spaces.

That’s what he is though now, isn’t it? An empty space. A hole inside her chest.

The worst thing is that she can’t talk to anyone about this. Because she knows that him being taken was right. That it was necessary. That he had lost himself long before she had lost him. But she still misses him. And it hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

She doesn’t know how Kara knows. She might have looked it up online. She might have been told by her cousin. She doesn’t know how she finds out about it, but she’s there, with a hesitant knock and a bouquet of plumerias in her hands. She’s there and she doesn’t ask questions.

She just sits down on the sofa with her and says quietly, “Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to talk about literally anything else.”

She has to think about it for a second, hand softly gracing the petals of the flowers. “I do want to talk about it, but not just yet.”

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

They end up on the rooftop, as they often do on clear evenings like this, when you can imagine that if you squint, you can still make out the stars underneath the layer of city lights and soot.

“And then he kissed me and you know what it felt like? It felt like a Dementor was kissing me, he was just sucking at my lips and I couldn’t even move, I almost started laughing it was so absurd.” Kara is rambling on next to her. They’ve been talking about the date she had a couple days ago, she even reenacted the way he had picked her up in his sports car, nearly falling over his own door in an effort to look cool. She had laughed until her stomach hurt and it was soft.

And this day has never been this soft.

She finds herself leaning against the railing, head tilted up slightly so she can make out the sky. There is a fresh breeze on her face and Kara is talking gently and somehow everything feels like it is perfectly alight.

“So what was your worst date?”

She doesn’t even have to think about it. “Nathan Reynolds.” She tells Kara about her one and only date with the dentist that ended abruptly when he started checking her teeth during their date, while they were still sat in the restaurant.

She cringes at the memory but Kara laughs brightly in a way that makes her double over and somehow that makes it all worth it.

“Okay, you win.”

“Thank you.”

“Cheese Puff?” Kara offers her the bag of snacks she brought with her and Lena reaches out for it, frowning in confusion when Kara pulls it just out of reach.

“Oh no, you’re gonna have to catch it.”

Lena shakes her head, but allows Kara to throw the snack at her anyway. Kara misses her mouth nearly every time and hits her just on the tip of her nose which makes the two of them laugh every time.

“I feel like we are just wasting them now?” Lena exclaims after their tenth failed attempt.

“But aren’t you having fun?” Kara grins and well, she can’t exactly deny that.

They start passing the bag between them then, both leaning back against the railing side by side now.

“So what would your ideal date be?” Kara asks, pushing another cheese puff into her mouth.

“I don’t know.” But Kara just bumps her shoulder lightly and so she rolls her eyes and elaborates. “I guess I’m not really looking for something fancy. I just-“ She shrugs, “I just want something real, you know? Something that’ll make me smile; with someone I’ll just feel comfortable with no matter what we do, even if it’s just watching cheesy movies or something.”

“Yeah,” Kara nods. “I think I want that too.”

They sit quietly then, passing the bag between them without paying it much attention and watch as clouds start to slowly take over the sky. Thy sit like this for a long time before Lena breaks the quiet of the night.

“He used to say he’d be my best man.” She is dimly aware of Kara turning her head to face her, eyes earnest and attentive.

“We would talk about future boyfriends and how he’d make sure they were worthy of me. He always said he wanted to be an uncle, too.”

Kara’s hand slips into hers as a familiar weight. She’s not taking hold of it, just slips her fingers between hers, a soft touch, reminding her that someone is still here with her.

“I miss him, you know?” She is aware of the small tremor in her voice but she also knows that Kara won’t judge her for it. “I really do miss him and that’s the worst part.” She laughs, a dry thing of a laugh that sounds harsh against the silence of the night.

“Does that make me an awful person?” She turns to face Kara now, seeks her eyes almost pleadingly.

“No.” The answer is firm and immediate. “He was your brother before he was anything else. It’s okay to miss him. It’s not awful at all, it’s human, Lena.”

There’s a sole tear running down her cheek now but she makes no effort to wipe it away.

“I just wish-“ she shakes her head. “I just wish he was still here and still my big brother, who would protect me from the world. I wish things hadn’t changed.”

“I know,” Kara whispers in return. “You know you can always tell me about him, if you want to. I know you have a lot of good memories between a lot of bad ones and you can tell me every single one, I’ll be here, okay? I need you to know that I’ll be here.”

And Lena feels herself laugh a little and it’s a bit shaky around the edges and it feels like something inside her chest will split open with the warmth that’s flooding in. So all she can do is squeeze Kara’s hand and whisper, “I will. And I want to. Just maybe not tonight.”

And then they sit there, quietly, shoulders brushing softly against each other, fingers loosely intertwined, like they aren’t just two people, carrying the weight of the world.

“Thank you,” Lena whispers after a while, “For being there.”

And Kara just squeezes her hand and smiles. It doesn’t feel as lonely then. The night. The weight. The gaping holes. She doesn’t think they’ll ever close but there’s other parts inside of her that feel warm now, that feel soft now.

And that’s when she thought, gazing at the luminous silhouette of a plane passing them by overhead, that this could be the easiest thing in the world: The two of them, the salt on her lips, both of them breathing, both of them holding on.

* * *

 

**2017, the next day**

The worst thing about Malcolm Fisher, New York Times Reporter, is his hair, Kara decides. The second worst thing is the crinkle around his eyes. The third worst thing is the way they only begin to crinkle whenever he smiles at Lena Luthor.

He showed up Wednesday morning, all nerdy glasses and loosened tie, smiling at the two of them from the doorway as he introduced himself.

He came to get an interview with Lena Luthor. He obviously didn’t care that she already has a reporter. Kara. Kara is her reporter. That’s why she is so enraged. From a professional standpoint.

It had nothing to do with the fact that he asked for a private interview. It has nothing to do with the way Lena said, “It’s okay,” when Kara had taken a step forward, fierce and protective, ready to argue.

It has nothing to do with the fact that she heard Lena’s soft laugh from her waiting spot outside of the office. She wasn’t listening or anything.

Maybe the worst thing about him is that it is Thursday and he’s come by twice today to clear some facts with her. Maybe the worst thing is that he brought her coffee. What kind of person brings a casual acquaintance coffee?

Kara has decided that she herself is in need of some coffee, maybe a little chat with Molly, and so she is in the breakroom when she hears the door open behind her.

“Hi, you’re Kara right?” The by now familiar voice asks and she doesn’t have to turn around to know it’s him.

“Yes, Malcolm, is it?”

“That’s me,” he chuckles and Kara does her best to force her lips to smile as well, hoping it doesn’t seem as fake as it is. (She knows she’s not succeeding)

“So what are you doing?” He asks and Kara glances briefly to the coffee machine next to her, noisily running water through the filter, steaming with fresh coffee, then her eyes travel to the mug in her hands, lastly they set on him and she finds herself smiling again. (Less forced than the last one, she is making improvements.)

“Coffee?”

“So how’s that going?”

She just stares at him then and watches as he nervously pushes his glasses up his face.

“Great?”

“So you know Lena?” he asks her then and she feels her heart plummet in a way that makes her chest ache at the edges.

“My best friend, yes?”

“So as her best friend, you would probably know whether she is seeing anyone at the moment wouldn’t you?”

“Romantically?” She asks against all hopes. _Please say no. Please say no. Please say no._

“Yes.” The word sits between them for a second and it feels like it’s carving away at her.

“I-“

“It’s just, I’ve been thinking about asking her out, you know?” She just stares at him before she forces herself to laugh, “Oh, I see.” Her laugh is high-pitched in a slightly uncomfortable way and she realizes it feels a lot like she did back when Jack came to visit town.  

“I-“ She thinks about saying yes. Yes she is taken unfortunately. She is seeing someone. She is dating.

But then she’s thinking about Lena. She’s thinking about her telling her about soulmates. She thinks about finding her with a romance novel in a lap, blushing, and mumbling something about them being a guilty pleasure. She thinks about Lena saying that she wants someone ,who will be there for her, who will stay with her throughout everything: the pain and the happiness. That she just wants someone she can be there for too.

She thinks about Eliza and Jeremiah and Beatles music and pajamas. She thinks about Lena smiling, smiling, smiling. She thinks about the way she laughs.

And then she feels her lips moving, hears herself replying more than she makes a conscious decision to do so.

“No, she’s not.”

He smiles at the answer, crinkles around the eyes smiles at her answer.

And she thinks that if he will make Lena happy, it’ll be worth all of this _. All of this_ meaning the inexplicable feeling inside her chest like a house on fire.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a bit of a long one:   
> a) I am so sorry it has taken me ages again to update. I have my last ever (hopefully) Ancient Greek exam on the 13th of July (not even 2 weeks from now) and I still have to translate 2 books for Latin until the 24th so I am stressed af. I will be a bit slow with updating until exams are over and for that I would just like to apologize in advance lmao.   
> b) Germany has finally come through and as of today, we have marriage equality. I would like to just celebrate this little fact with all of u and especially my fellow Germans. I am beyond excited.   
> c) Thank you to all of you lovely people for reading this story and for the lovely lovely comments you've left on it. Every single comment has made me smile and it makes me very happy to hear all of your thoughts on this.


	6. Chapter 6

 National Gallery has always been one of Lena’s favorite places within London. Her first time coming had been with her mother taking her, rushing her through most of the rooms, telling her that there was a conference to get to. She came alone the next time. And every time after that.

There is something about the vast expanses of the rooms, the arch of the ceiling, the red paint of the walls that makes her feel right at home. Like the pictures were reaching out for her, touched her, told her their story and whenever she came back to them, it felt like being tucked into her bed late at night, with a small flashlight on, reading her favorite good night story. It’s a home within this place.

“What do you think she’s thinking about?” Kara asks next to her, pointing to a picture of an elderly lady in front of them. Her hair is towering high upon her, grey and majestic.  Her eyes are bored, a mild malaise that seems very common with pictures of royalty. They have been in the gallery for just about an hour now and they still haven’t gone beyond the second room.

She had warned Kara about this before they had come. She’d told her about National Gallery and good night stories and that she liked to take her time with them. And Kara had just beamed at her and squeezed her hand a little and told her that it’s always important to take time with things that make you feel at home.

When they stood in front of the first picture, Kara had glanced over at her a couple time, almost shy in her expression, like she didn’t quite dare to speak, but when Lena had returned her gaze, she had whispered gently, “What’s this one’s story?” Then she had added quickly, “I mean I get that this is private and you really don’t have to tell me, I’d just like to know.”

And Lena had smiled and smiled and smiled and led her over to one of the wooden benches placed right in the center of the room. And she had told her, hesitant at first, but quickly trusting Kara with these stories, trusting her to treat them carefully. Kara started adding things in, smoothing out creases within her words that Lena hadn’t even known existed.

“She’s probably thinking about her husband and what he would do to the woman she is in love with.” Lena explains to Kara at the present portrait.

“She seems too bored for that kind of emotion,” Kara replies, curiously studying the picture.

“Maybe she’s just learnt to hide it well.”

Kara looks at her for a second then, “Do you think you can hide a love like that?” And the words sit between them for a couple seconds before Lena manages to reply.

“I don’t know.”

She really doesn’t. All she knows is that it can feel like a choking to be so full of feeling. That sometimes she feels like a shard of glass. Like the word _unravel._ Like shatter. The thing right after falling. And she truly doesn’t know how long she will last like this.

 

* * *

 

 

They are standing in front of a wide canvas depicting a buzzing harbor bathed in the dreamy light of a sunset. It’s gorgeous and peaceful and both of them are watching closely, take in the little details of ships and passersby and it takes a while before Kara’s low voice cuts through their silence.

“So….” Lena hears Kara trailing off next to her. “Heard of Malcolm lately?” Until now they’d been talking about the constant battle of nature and industrialism and how it affected art at the time. So really the transition to Malcolm Fisher was very smooth indeed. Lena almost laughs at it.

“No…”

“Oh.” Kara seems relived somehow and Lena isn’t quite sure what to do with that information.

“The last time I saw him, he asked me out but I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Oh,” Kara squeaks now.

“I said no,” Lena clarifies, which causes a small smirk to flutter across Kara’s lips for a second.

“Oh,” Kara replies once again before shaking her head ever so slightly and adding, “Why?”

“He wasn’t really my type,” Lena shrugs, still taking in the detailed waves right in the corner of the painting.

“What is your type then?”

Lena thinks about his for a couple seconds, gaze never once leaving the canvas in front of her. She thinks about blonde hair and blue eyes. Thinks about laughter and the faint sound of someone singing ABBA songs in the shower. Thinks about burnt chocolate cake and messages consisting mostly, if not exclusively, of emojis.

She glances at Kara then, whose eyes are trained on the picture in front of her as well. Her gaze on it is intense enough that Lena worries for a second that she might accidently use her laser vision and burn it down entirely.

She is watching her now, standing right there in front of all this art, in front of all these stories and she can feel the reply form in her mouth, can almost trace out the words on her lips like braille.

You. You. You.

It’s becoming louder now. This need to tell her. This fear of it as well. It’s been tearing away at her for a while now but it’s becoming more pronounced now. And sometimes she feels like she is being turned into nothing but this quiet truth.

I am in love with you. And I am terrified of what it will do to us.

You. You. You.

“I don’t know, I never really thought about it.” She manages to say before excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

 

The bathroom is mostly empty, which is a small blessing at least. She locks the door and turns the lid down to sit on it while she tries to steady herself.

Her head is swimming with quiet revelations and she places her palms on her knees for a second and takes a deep breath, cursing her stupid, treacherous mouth, her stupid heart as well.

She cannot tell her. She cannot lose her. But the need for it is becoming bigger than herself and she doesn’t know how to do any of this anymore. She needs to talk to her best friend about all of this. She needs to tell her best friend that she has fallen in love. Her best friend.

She remembers Kara telling her that she would always be her friend. She remembers the time they sat on her couch, flowers on the table, just after her entire world had fallen apart, just as she had reached the point of breaking. She remembers reaching out for Kara’s hand then, remembers its soft weight, the way it had felt to feel her fingers against her skin, the way it had caused a spark.

She remembers the time before as well. The first time Kara had told her they were friends. She remembers the way it had felt like her chest would burst.

* * *

 

**23 rd of December 2015**

Christmas had always been a time for melancholy. Ever since Lex had been imprisoned, she hadn’t even bothered with getting a tree anymore, there wasn’t any décor in her apartment and the day itself usually consisted of takeout food and watching “It’s a Beautiful Life” on television.

It was also a time for memories. Memories of Lex sneaking downstairs with her in the mornings to sneak candy out of the stockings. Lex teaching her how to make snow angels and taking all the blame when Lillian had scolded them for wet clothes. Rita, their cook, sneaking her a hot chocolate in the morning and sprinkling cinnamon on top of it. Lex and Lionel taking her ice skating. She used to wear bright pink skates and she wasn’t any good at it so usually Lex got her one of those ice skating chairs that you could push around the rink while she sat on it and squealed at every turn.

It’s the 23rd of December and her walls are full of echoes. She is sitting in her living room, work laid out in front of her and she can hear the high-pitched squeals of children just outside of her apartment. They built a winter wonder land just at the end of her road. There’s an ice rink and a tree, hung with shiny golden presents, and candy cotton.

There is an ice rink and she hasn’t been thinking about much else lately.

 

* * *

 

 

She has been on the ice for two seconds when she decides that it has been a terrible idea. She can’t ice skate. She just absolutely cannot do it.

The lights are also brighter than they used to be, almost blinding on the rink. The music is too loud and cheesy and it all feels wrong. It doesn’t feel like that time of the year where being a Luthor wasn’t just polite smiles and harsh hands. It doesn’t feel like laughter and mouthfuls of sugar.

She tries to make her way back to the exit slowly, pushing the skates in front of each other while trying not to slip sideways. And then suddenly there is a voice cutting through the rustle of the ice rink.

“Lena,” she hears clearly and if she wasn’t so focused on her skates or on the firm grip her hands have on the railing, she might have looked up to see where it was coming from before she felt a body slam into hers.

The force of it knocks her sideways, takes her breath for a second, which causes her to let go of the railing and for the both of them to lose balance and tumble down to the ice.

“I’m so sorry, oh my goodness, Lena are you alright?” She hears a breathy voice right next to her ear before she sits up and finds Kara sitting on the ice next to her, rubbing her head a little.

She is all blonde curls, tamed by an adorable pink beanie that comes with matching gloves. Her cheeks are tinted slightly rose and she is looking at her with such an expression of worry while her eyes seem to search her body for any sign of injury.

“I’m fine,” Lena rushes to assure her, “I just…lost my balance.”

“I shouldn’t have smashed into you like that. I was just so excited to see you.”

Kara is standing up now, offering her hand to Lena, who considers the most elegant way of getting up. She decides to accept Kara’s hand then, while her other one is searching for purchase on the railing behind her. She does manage to stand up like that, even though she wobbles and overall doesn’t manage it with quite as much grace as she would have hoped.

“Are you sure you are okay?”

“Yes, yes please don’t worry.”

Kara is standing in front of her now, skating backwards just a little bit to take in her frame as if still not convinced that she didn’t accidently injure her.

“Do you wanna skate with me, maybe?”

“Uh,” Lena stutters for a second.

Kara is new. She has been by on a couple interviews, joined her at her gala, but still, this whole thing between them is new and delicate. She remembers taking an hour to reply to Kara’s first text message because she was so worried that she wouldn’t quite find the right tone.

She also remembers picking out her outfits very carefully when she knows Kara is coming by. She also remembers the way Kara had hugged her good bye the last time, the way it had felt to have someone’s arms around her like this. This soft.

But it’s still new and tentative. This friendship .

And she is suddenly very aware of the fact that she is wearing sweatpants.

“I mean it’s really fine if you don’t want to, it’s just that I came here on my own because Alex bolted on me the last minute and it’s always nicer to do this with someone.” She shrugs a little, smiling this little lopsided smile that Lena hasn’t quite managed to say no to yet.

“Yes, why not,” she hears herself replying then. She can immediately think of reasons why not to skate with Kara though. Number one: She cannot ice skate.

“Great,” Kara already beams though and, before Lena can say anything else, she skates backwards a little bit again and slides around so that she is standing at Lena’s side in one smooth motion. (Which is frankly a little bit annoying, she’s already Supergirl and a successful reporter; could she at least not ice skate like a professional as well?)

Kara holds out one of her gloved hands, beckoning Lena to take it and skate next to her. She takes a hesitant step forwards to grab it and nearly tumbles over again, steadied in the last minute by Kara grabbing her elbows and holding her up.

“Umm Lena,” Kara smiles nervously as if unsure whether to ask anything at all, “Do you… uh, do you know how to ice skate?”

Lena can feel herself blushing, feels the way her cheeks take color and glances at her skates as she shakes her head no.

“You should have said,” Kara exclaims but, noticing the way Lena is still staring intently at the ice and the way her hands are reaching back out for the railing, she quickly takes them between her own hands and waits until Lena manages to meet her eyes.

“I can teach you, if you want?”

“I-“

“I’m probably not a very good teacher, but I can try? And I won’t let you fall, I promise. Or well, maybe you will fall but I promise that I will fall with you.”

Lena laughs at that reassurance a little and tries not to overthink the way Kara’s eyes light up at that.

“Okay?” Kara asks.

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

They end up spending the entire afternoon on the ice rink. Kara spends the entire first hour skating backwards in front of Lena, holding onto her hands and pulling her around the rink until she is used to the motion and manages to do it on her own, still firmly holding onto Kara’s hand.

They do end up falling a couple times but always together, always in a heap of giggles. Never with pain.

When they finally end up leaving the ice rink, the two of them end up on a bench just outside of it, both clutching a hot cup of cocoa, cheeks rosy and slightly out of breath.

“So how come you didn’t know how to ice skate?”

Lena hesitates with her reply for a moment, instead she breathes in the sweet smell of the hot chocolate, the way it reminds her of a home long since forgotten.

“We only went about three times when I was little and Lex usually just pushed my around on one of those skating chairs. I never really learned to skate on my own.” She shrugs a little with her words.

“So you came to teach yourself today?”

“I don’t know,” Lena takes a sip of her hot cocoa. It’s a too hot and burns her tongue a little but she can still taste the soothing sugar of it on her lips, the way it warms her from the inside. “I don’t really know what I came here to do.”

Kara doesn’t ask any more questions after that and Lena doesn’t say that even though she doesn’t really know what she came here for, she is glad that Kara found her, she is glad that they spent this day together. She is glad that she is remembering good things again.

“So you usually go skating with Alex?”

“Yes,” Kara grins, “She taught me when I was little. I was horrible at it, constantly fell over my feet because I was trying to go too fast and didn’t want to accept that ice was slippery.”

Lena laughs at that and Kara bumps her shoulder a little.

“So yeah, usually I come with Alex.”

“Hmm,” Lena hums, still carefully sipping her cocoa.

“You know, “ Kara starts again carefully. Her breath causes little clouds to appear against the cold air and she keeps her words measured as she speaks now. “If you do want to go skating again, you can always ask me, I mean unless you want to be alone,” her words rush out again in that way they do whenever she is trying to make a point she is passionate about. “I mean I would get if you wanted to come alone and not have someone with you, who constantly knocks you over, but if you do want someone to come, I would love to. You are kind of my best friend now and I really like doing stuff like this.” The words are a bit of a ramble now, jumbled at the edges, but Lena didn’t really manage to capture all of this anyway.

“I’m your best friend?”

“Well, yeah,” Kara kind of chuckles but there is a hesitancy in her eyes that accompanies her next words. “Is that alright?”

It’s Lena’s turn to chuckle now. “That’s very alright.”

“So we can go ice skating again?”

“Sure,” Lena nods. “Maybe we can go to brunch next though.”

“Brunch sounds like a great idea.”

 

* * *

 

 

**2017**

She is still sitting in the harsh, fluorescent light of the toilet stall, thinking about how Kara is her best friend. She has fallen in love with her best friend and it feels like a playground accident. Like scraped knees. Raw.

She breathes in something like sigh and gets up. She is going to tell Kara. Soon.

 

* * *

 

She exits the bathroom moments later. Her hands are still shaking a little.

Kara is waiting for her right around the corner. There is a huge canvas with a magnified painting of van Gogh’s sunflowers. It’s the original painting except the sunflower heads are cutouts that people can reach their heads through to look like the sunflowers themselves. Kara glances out at her from one of these cutouts, head surrounded by sunflower petals and beams.

“Look, I’m a sunflower,” she laughs a little and Lena shakes her head, a smile already tugging at the corner of her lips, tilting them upwards, making them soft. As she always is. With Kara.

She takes in the picture in front of her, tries to carve it into her memory so she won’t forget. Kara in the center of a sunflower smiling. Everything is painted a gentle yellow. Everything is bathed in light. Everything is okay.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Everything is going to be okay. It’s just Kara. It’s just love. It’s okay.

 

* * *

 

 

“This actually reminds me there is somewhere I wanted to take you. Are you still free this afternoon?” Kara asks as they head out of National Gallery’s revolving doors, blinking a little against the sudden brightness.

“Sure, I told you, today is yours,” Lena replies and manages to just catch Kara’s bright smile at that.

“So where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

 

* * *

 

 They had started browsing through flower shops together back in National City. It had become an easy habit, walking along aisles of flowers, buying and potting plants together after Saturday Brunches or on a long Tuesday afternoon.

Kara found that Lena greeted flowers like old friends, that she would sometimes touch their petals with the very tip of her index finger, a small caress, a little welcome. And she had decided that this was the version of Lena she liked the very best. And so flowers had become theirs.

It has taken them a lot longer than Kara had originally anticipated to get out of the city and its outskirts and when they finally reach their destination, sun is already setting faintly at the horizon.

 _Sunflower Picking._ A sign reads in bold, yellow letters and Lena turns to face her and her entire face is luminous, made from light. Bright gold. Her hair is scattered across her face by the wind and her cheeks become a little rosy with the unexpected breeze on the field.

“How did you find this place?” She asks, a smile cracking her entire face open.

“I stumbled across it on the internet and thought I’d bring you.” Kara replies. (She doesn’t mention that her “tumbling” involved a 30 minute google search.)

“It’s gorgeous.” Lena says, head turning in every direction to take it all in.

The sunflowers reach high up into the air, petals searching for sunlight wherever they can find it. The backdrop of rose and pastel blue sky illuminates them in the softest light and it feels like they are standing in a field that is purely fashioned by light.

“Let’s go then,” Kara grins and their hands find each other easily as they step towards the field. Kara is skipping lightly in her steps and they wander around the rows and rows of sunflowers slowly.

There is a bench right at the edge of the field and they decide to sit down for a bit.

“So what does the sunflower mean?” Kara asks, keeping her voice low as if scared that if she spoke any louder than a bare whisper, she might startle them and cause them to retreat.

This has also become theirs. Low conversations about flowers and their meanings, their own unique stories. Kara found out rather quickly that Lena harbors a lot of those stories. Stories about the enigma of the blue rose, the innocence of the daisy, stories of boys falling in love with themselves against a reflective pond, stories about girls being turned into flowers.

Lena knows each and every one of those stories like they were about old friends. And Kara loves hearing about them.

“It represents loyalty but it’s mostly a symbol of happiness and faith.” Kara is looking at her attentively and so she continues speaking. “In Greek mythology there is a myth of a nymph, who grieved the loss of her lover, Apollo - the god of sun, until she turned into a sunflower. From then on, sunflowers always faced the sun, always sought out that remaining piece of their lover.” They are both quiet for a moment then, the light breeze playing with their hair, the sound of grass in the wind the only thing filling the air.

 “It always comes down to love, doesn’t it?” Kara asks then and all Lena can do is nod.

 

* * *

 

Thinking back on their past two weeks in London together, Lena realizes that this must be the first time she is really, truly, alone in her hotel room. Kara headed out a little over half an hour ago with some flimsy, made-up excuse that took everything out of Lena not to laugh at. It is just so blatantly obvious that there is Supergirl business to attend somewhere around town.

She’s kept the TV on low volume in the background, not wanting to miss any information she can get. She is rarely aware of Kara’s missions, usually she is one to find out afterwards that there was an attack or how many close calls Kara’s had with death. But sitting here, waiting, stomach knotting itself up, chest tight, she finds that this is a form of pain she wasn’t prepared for yet.

She’ll be back.

She’ll be fine.

She’s done this a hundred times.

I love her. I love her. I love her.

She didn’t think that love would be this way. That once you realize it, it claws at you. That it takes your breath.

She is staring at the ever-changing images on the screen and thinks about telling Kara.  She decided some time shortly after their trip to the sunflower field, when they had left with armfuls of flowers and bright smiles, that she would tell her. That it was time.

Since then, she’s spent countless hours awake at night, trying to figure out how to tell her. She briefly considered making an informative power point one time, right around 3am, but filed that idea away as a strong maybe not.

She tested the words out once as well, very quietly, on a late night when Kara was asleep against her and the TV running in the background.

“I love you.” The words fell between them as gentle as a sigh and she had smiled a little when Kara had nestled against her a little more tightly. The words had felt soft that night. Like maybe they were the softest words a person could whisper to another person within the confines of darkness.

Like they couldn’t hurt her.

She knows that she could lose her like this. But she also knows that she cannot keep these words to herself any longer.

She thinks about how there is something terrible about asking someone to love you back. Something vulnerable. Something like a pointed knife. Like a shaking hand.

Which is why every time she’s opened her mouth these past few days, she found that the words got caught up somewhere behind her lips, fell dry. Silence.

But Kara is somewhere out there now, battling who-knows-what, and Lena’s fingers clench with the need to tell her.

Even if she doesn’t feel the same way. She needs her best friend to know that she has fallen in love.

And so, as she tries to focus on the news reporter on the screen, she makes her decision. She will tell her tonight. She will tell her best friend that she has fallen in love with her.

She smiles a little at the thought. And just like that the pictures on the screen change to a London-based reporter and the words” Supergirl averts attack on Buckingham palace” run on a banner below the clip.

There is that sudden surge of pride welling up inside her at the headline. She’s done it again. Stupid, beautiful, brave girl. She turns the volume up higher to hear what the reporter has to say about the attack, about what it means to London city, but then her heart clenches at the sight in the background. She can just faintly make out Supergirl, flying away from the scene. Slowly. Achingly slowly. And oddly lopsided in a way Lena has never seen on Kara before.

But before the reporter can tell her any possible information about Kara’s present state, she hears a faint crush in the room across from hers. It’s dull but still discernable and she is on her feet before she knows what she is doing, rushing over.

Her heart is beating with every step she takes, right in her throat, making her nauseous, and she needs three attempts at the door knob before she finally manages to twist it to let herself in.

Her fingers shiver around the room key, firmly clasped in her hand as she steps carefully into Kara’s room.

“Kara?” she calls out carefully. She knows all of this is still supposed to be a secret and she half expects Kara to step out of her room at any second, grinning at her, telling her that her “meeting” went well and that she just flew back to the hotel on a bus or something.

But instead, she rounds the corner that leads into Kara’s living room area and feels her chest collapse in on itself.

She managed to run through several worst case scenarios throughout the short walk from her room to Kara’s but nothing, _nothing_ , could have prepared her for the sight in front of her.

Kara is sprawled out across the room, suit torn at the chest, the lining of it frying just above Kara’s heart, cape splayed out at her back, tinged with blood.

“No,” she gasps. “Please, Kara no, you can’t do this to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it has been 100 years...... I am truly v sorry about the long wait but I am also v grateful to all of you for your patience and kindness over the past few weeks. All your lovely comments made me smile a lot and brightened exam season considerably. I hope to update more frequently from now on!!!  
> (Also for those of u interested: I did pass Ancient Greek and will never have to deal with Plato in this capacity again!!!!)


	7. Chapter 7

_Kara is sprawled out across the floor, suit torn at the chest, the lining of it frying just above Kara’s heart, cape splayed out at her back, tinged with blood._

_“No,” she gasps. “Please, Kara no, you can’t do this to me.”_

* * *

 

She can feel her heart pounding in her chest, the way it climbs into her mouth, makes her choke _. No. No. No. Please no._  She can feel her feet moving, feels the bruising crash of her knees against the cool tiles of the hotel room floor as she drops down next to Kara.

_Please. No._

There is blood seeping from a wound, carved deep into Kara’s chest, colors the ground scarlet, makes her feel like a swing set accident, the way you’re left with your head spinning and your knees bruised and raw. This what she feels like. Raw.

She struggles to find a heartbeat beneath Kara’s skin, fingers ghosting along Kara’s chest like they’re trying to read braille for the first time, trying to read anything that would spell out _alive._

“Kara, please, you can’t do this to me,” she objects again, voice trembling. “Please Kara, I don’t know what to do.” Her words taste like salt and her lips are trembling so badly, she bites down on them to keep them steady. She needs to be steady. She needs to help her.

She finally _, finally,_ finds a pulse. It’s fading, barely a hum, but it’s there.

“Okay, Kara, just hold on. Just please, god, hold on for me okay? I’m gonna get help, I promise I’m gonna help you,” her words break off towards the end, high pitched and ugly and she forces her lips to stop trembling again, bites down on them until she can feel her teeth cut into the flesh and tastes metal.

She’s reaching for her back pocket, finds her phone and dials almost blindly, while her other hand is trying to compress the wound, trying to keep Kara’s life sheltered in the palm of her hand.

There is a ring. Then another one. Then the click of someone answering her call.

“Alex please, she’s hurt and I don’t know what to do please,” she takes a shivering intake of breath, almost matching Alex’ silent gasp on the other end of the phone, “Please, you need to help me save her.”

 

* * *

 

 

It is nearing 1am and night hangs heavy in the air. Lena is leant against the headboard of Kara’s bed, Kara asleep at her side. The white sheet covers her entire body and her face looks almost peaceful, almost like this could be a normal night. But there is still a metallic scent in the air and a bruise alongside Kara’s cheek bone and sometimes her fingers flinch as if haunted by memory.

Because none of this is normal: Not the way she had managed to stop Kara’s bleeding with Alex speaking into her ear, voice calm but fearful. Not the way she had tried to extract Kryptonite from Kara’s weakened body. Not the way Alex had told her it would take a couple days for Kara to regain her strength after the effects of the Kryptonite wore off. Not the way she’s been repeating the words _she’ll be fine_ in her head on repeat ever since they ended the phone call.

She had managed to transport Kara into bed, clean her up, put pajamas on. Anything to regain even an ounce of normalcy. But now the night is slow and heavy and all she can do is watch Kara breathe. She can feel her fingers digging into her skin, the way they bite little crescent moons into it, turns her into a bleeding night like this.

“Kara,” she whispers quietly, “I’m gonna need you to come back to me okay?” She reaches out a shivering hand and softly brushes a strand of hair from Kara’s face. “I need you to be okay. I’ll buy you potstickers every day, I will even watch this awful British Sit Com with you but please-“ Her voice breaks off and she reaches up to her cheek to brush away fresh tears. “Just please don’t leave me okay?”

 

* * *

 

 

She calls Alex every hour to give her updates on Kara’s condition. She’s glad for Alex’ voice in her ear. It’s a comfort to hear her speak, to have her confirm that Kara is really going to be fine. To have another person to talk to, another person with just as much to lose.

“Alright, you’ll call me in an hour?” Alex asks at the end of their 3am phone call, her voice sounds tired, like someone had cast it in lead.

“I will.”

“Okay.”

“Alex?” She asks before she can hang up.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I didn’t protect her like I promised to and I’m sorry,” her words are trembling and she can feel tears prick at her eyes again and she is just so tired.

“Lena, none of this is your fault,” Alex sounds sure, like she always does when she speaks and she almost believes her.

They hang up only seconds later and Lena stares at the quiet phone for a couple seconds before whispering, “But it is.”

Because she knows that Kara will be fine. But somewhere in the darker corner of the night, there is a feeling like glass shattering and it’s screaming at her. It’s screaming about how foolish she was to believe that she deserved anything as soft as this. Something like Kara. She is a Luthor. And soft things never stay.

 

* * *

 

 

Dawn is beginning to reach gently through the windows and paints the room in a soft gold. It takes away the edges of the night, erases the grey. Kara is still asleep on the bed next to her. She looks almost at peace like this, wrapped in a white sheet, hair illuminated by the soft glow of morning. It almost feels like it's any other day.

But sometimes Kara cringes in her sleep and sometimes her eyelids flutter like they are caught in battle and Lena trails gentle fingers along Kara’s cheek bones and whispers soft things like, “you’re going to be okay,” or “you’re safe,” until she settles back down.

Lena is propped up against the headboard, one hand tangled in Kara’s hair, gently undoing knots. She’s trying her best to focus on the fact that Kara is here, in bed with her. Alive. Shockingly, stunningly, alive. She can feel her breathing against her. She can hear her sigh in her sleep every so often.

She can still touch her. She is still here.

It’s already midday when Kara begins to stir. At first Lena barely registers her movement but then she turns a little, face contorting in discomfort at having pulled at the wound and her eyelids flutter open. Her eyes dart through the room for a while, trying to take in the surroundings, until eventually they settle on Lena, confused and sleep-dazed. (Alive.)

“Hey,” Lena keeps her voice gentle, in an effort not to startle her. Her fingers take up their slow routine again, combing through Kara’s hair, softly running along the crown of her head.

 “Hey,” Kara whispers back and even though it sounds raspy and a bit hoarse it sounds like something golden to Lena’s ears. They look at each other, smiling, until Kara diverts her eyes and pulls back the sheets a little, revealing the bandage around her chest and the bruises along her torso. It looks crass against the white sheets and morning light, brings back the haunting of the night, makes it real.

Kara’s fingers reach out for it, stopping themselves only barely before touching the battered skin. She flinches slightly at the contact, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens her eyes again, she looks up at Lena.

“You saved my life,” she whispers.

Lena feels the way her lips curve into a slow, gentle smile and she reaches out to cover Kara’s hand, sitting a little bit lost on top of the white sheets now. “Well, you’ve saved mine countless times before, so I guess it was time I return the favor right?”

“You know about Supergirl,” Kara replies and Lena can tell she is trying to say more but the fatigue is already creeping in again and she is slipping fast.

“Yes," she replies simply.

“I-“ Kara tries to speak again, but Lena can see the effort it’s taking her to move her lips, to be awake at all, and so she just shakes her head a little and squeezes Kara’s hand in hers. “We’ll talk about it later, I promise, but you should go back to sleep.”

Kara just nods and sinks back a little further into the pillows, the shadow of her eyelashes dancing across the soft skin underneath her eyes as they flutter shut once again.

“Stay?” she asks, voice heavy with sleep.

“I’ll be here.”

 

* * *

 

She only wakes up again in the evening. The room is filled with violet light and Lena’s hands are tangled in her hair, running through it in a soothing pattern. She shifts her weight a little, feels the mattress dip with it, feels the way Lena’s hands halt momentarily before taking up their rhythm again. Kara tilts her head upwards a little, eyes still adjusting to the sudden brightness, and searches for Lena’s eyes.

“Hey,” Lena mouths, hands not once stopping their soothing movements.

“Hey,” she whispers back. Her voice feels strange, unused, raw even. She struggles to sit up to reach for the glass of water on the night stand and Lena’s hand falls to her back, steadies her, helps her up.

“How are you feeling?” Lena asks when Kara has repositioned herself on the mattress, now propped up against some cushions.

“Better,” she replies. “Much better.” She drags her palm across her face, rubs at her eyes a little and eventually tries to smooth down her hair before giving up the effort and looking at Lena to add, “I probably look like I’ve been run over though.”

“You have never looked more lovely than you do right now, I promise.”

Kara  feels a slow smile spread on her lips at that and scoots towards her just a little and allows her head to fall into the crook of Lena’s neck. She can feel Lena placing her head on top of hers, feels the brown hair tickle her neck. They stay like this for a while, watching the curtains bow with a gentle breeze, taking it all in: the way the air is ripe with their breaths, the way they’re alive. Alive. Alive. Alive.

Eventually Kara’s eyes fall on the remnants of her cape though. It’s still scattered across the floor, torn and stained and ugly against the glow of the evening.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t salvage it.” She hears Lena say next to her, breaking the silence for the first time.

“It’s fine, Winn is probably working on a new one already.”

“Yeah.”

Kara turns a little and Lena lifts her head so she can look at her. There is a hesitance in her eyes suddenly, an insecurity so quiet it makes Lena reach out for her, take her hand.

“So you know about that one now, huh?” Kara’s eyes are downcast as she speaks.

“Well I kind of knew…before…”

“You what?” Kara’s eyes shoot upwards at the answer and it makes Lena cringe a little. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, I was kind of waiting for you to,” she replies gently but it still causes Kara to bite her lips and avert her eyes, focusing on their intertwined hands against the white sheets of the bed.

“I’m so sorry, Lena.” She looks back up, trying to convey her meaning with her eyes as words fail her. “I’m so sorry, I really wanted to tell you but-“

“You don’t have to apologize,” Lena rushes in. “It wasn’t meant as an accusation. It’s alright Kara, really, I get it.”

“No, I don’t think you do,” Kara shakes her head. “I trust you, Lena. I trust you with everything. I trust you more than I trust myself sometimes. I just-“ she swallows heavily. “I was scared of becoming Supergirl with you. I was always just Kara with you. I was normal. I was human. I felt like a person with you, not a superhero. And I didn’t want that to change.”

“Nothing is ever going to change between us, Kara.” Lena leans down a little to look at Kara and smile. “You will always be Kara to me. My best friend, my Wednesday night cupcake buddy. My Kara.”

“Thank you.” She knows it's not enough to convey how much it means to her. She knows these two words won't grasp the depth of her gratitude. But it's all she's got. And Lena squeezing her hand feels like understanding. 

There is a brief moment of quiet before Kara asks, “So when did you know?”

“You flew in on a bus? Seriously?”

 “Yeah, that wasn’t a great lie.” Kara laughs a little.

“Also the glasses, Kara, really?”

“They work,” Kara exclaims.

“It’s cute that you think that.”

“They do.”

“If you say so.”

Kara shoves her a little and Lena laughs in a way that makes her chest clench with happiness and Kara thinks that this is where the healing begins.

 

* * *

 

Kara doesn’t remember falling asleep but when she wakes up again, the sun is only barely coming alive in their hotel room again and Lena is at her side, reading the newspaper, sheets rustling in the stillness of the morning.

She turns when she feels movement from Kara’s side of the bed and smiles at her.

“Good morning,” she says, folding the newspaper back up in her lap.

“Morning,” Kara mumbles, face still smushed into the pillow.

Lena gives her a couple of minutes to wake up properly. "You okay?" She asks then.

“Yeah,” Kara replies but Lena can see the way she flinches as she tries to sit up on her own. And so she reaches for her and helps guide her up before she asks again, “Seriously, Kara, how are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Kara-“

“Really, I’m okay.”

The words sit between them for a couple seconds, almost seem to take up air, until Kara sighs.

“My chest kind of hurts… a lot.”

Lena nods and opens the nightstand drawer. “Alex is sending some medication over that should help but until then try this.” She hands her a little pill that Kara swallows with a bit of water. “This should at least alleviate some of the pain.”

“Thank you” Kara says with a smile. "And I'll be fine, don't worry, okay?"

Lena takes a deep breath and forces herself to smile. Because she knows. She knows but that doesn’t make any of this easier. 

“Now, do you want breakfast?” She asks then instead of answering.

“Can we have waffles?” Kara’s eyes light up at the prospect and Lena almost laughs.

“We can have the classic waffle-pancake-combination.”

“I love you.” Kara exclaims and Lena smiles while she tries to ignore the stab in her chest at the words.

They do this. They’ve always done this. _I love yous_. Kisses on the forehead. Hands intertwined. But it hurts now. Because she does love her. Love like a fist in the stomach loves her. And it very nearly killed her. Because she is a Luthor and good things don’t happen to those loved by a Luthor.

 

* * *

 

 

They end up staying in bed that day. Lena orders way too much room service and they alternate between re-watching episodes of Gilmore Girls and playing cards all day.

By the end of the day, they’ve invented three card games of their own with increasingly absurd rules and are half-way through season one. (Lena isn’t quite sure how she is going to make it through all seven seasons once again, seeing as Kara has yelled at Luke and Lorelai a total of 46 times during those first 12 episodes. She always tells her that “you know they’re going to end up together, things are going to be fine.” But Kara objects, asking, “Why is it taking them this long to figure it out. They are meant to be, why can’t they just communicate?”) They had to pause episodes multiple times to have at-length discussions about characters and development and the true love, obviously shared by Rory and Paris. It’s been a good day. But Lena is still aware of the fact that Kara keeps losing her breath sometimes. That she needs a second to balance herself when standing up. That she grimaces sometimes when she laughs too hard. And that’s enough to remind her that things, while they are good, happy even, are far from being back to normal.

Lena helps Kara out on the balcony later that day so they can watch the sun set, the way it paints the world purple before descending into darkness. They sit there for a good hour, wrapped in blankets, playing cards, watching the sun and the clouds dance a slow dance on the vast expanses of sky.

They move back inside when it gets too cold to remain outside comfortably and lie back down on Kara’s bed with the TV running on a low volume in the background.

Lena’s tired. Her eyes hurt and her head is a little drowsy and she’s fighting the urge to sleep, keeps pulling herself back into awareness when she can feel her head lolling back.

“Lena?” Kara’s gentle voice pulls her out of her battle with sleep for a second and she turns to face her slowly, forcing her eyes to focus.

“Yeah?”

“You need to sleep.”

“I’m okay,” she replies immediately, fighting the urge to yawn.

“Lena, no offence but you look like death.”

She knows it’s true as well. She can feel the black rings under her eyes tearing into her skin. She knows that she is paler than usual. She knows that she is exhausted by the past few days. She hardly caught any sleep and she can feel the fatigue somewhere deep down in her bones. Even her hands are tired.

Still she tries to argue, lips parting weakly to speak some kind of assurance that she’s fine, that she could stay awake but before she can speak, Kara’s voice cuts through the silence.

“Please sleep okay? I’m gonna stay right here. I’m gonna be okay, I promise.”

“I’m-“ Lena starts to object but her eyes meet Kara’s and she falls silent. Kara’s eyes are wide and blue and worried and she looks so lovely. Here. She is still here. “When I was trying to save you, I couldn’t find you heartbeat for a minute and I just-“ she swallows, trying to ignore the familiar stab in her chest, the familiar shake of her hands that comes with the memories that are tinged by blood. “I just thought I lost you and whenever I close my eyes I just-“ There are always flashes of it: the torn cape, Alex’ voice on the phone, the taste of salt and metal on her lips, the way she had pleaded into the silent air of this room, the way it had become a liminal space, the way it hurts to be a threshold.

“I just, I know that you are healing, I know that you can walk and breathe and that soon we can put all of this behind us but just, I can’t right now-“

Kara’s eyes are shining a little and she reaches over for her, takes her hand in hers with gentle fingers and guides it to her chest, just above her heart and places it there.

“I’m right here,” she whisper and Lena can feel one single tear cascading down her cheek and smiles with it. Right here. Alive.

Lena can feel her head sinking a little further into the pillow, eyes too heavy to fight, the room slowly falling away.

“I sometimes listen for you,” she hears Kara say then.

“Hmm what?”

“I kind of have, well I guess you could call it super hearing,” Kara says with a shrug. “It started after that first attack on L- Corp. We weren’t really close then, but I was worried and so, when I was lying in bed that night, I listened out for you, filtered through all the noise until I found your heartbeat… It became a kind of comfort after that, even when I could just call you up at night to check in with you. It was just, I don’t know how to describe it-“ the words sit between them in all their honesty, all their meaning.

“It was a comfort to know that you were there, somewhere out there, alive and breathing and I kind of started listening out for you when I was upset or things became too much or I couldn’t sleep. It just became this reassurance that things were okay, you know?” She looks over at Lena now. Their faces are only inches apart. Lena’s hand is still resting on her chest, taking in its slow rise and fall.

“Is that super creepy?” Kara asks then and doesn’t give Lena a chance to answer before rushing to say. “It is isn’t it? Gods I’m sorry, I don’t know why-“

“Kara-“ Lena interrupts her.

“Hmm?”

“I think it’s sweet. And I’m glad I could bring you some comfort.” She wants to say much more. Things like, I love you. I love you. I love you. But things are still too heavy. And she is scared.

“Oh,” Kara smiles. And Lena closes her eyes. Her fingers take in the rhythmic beating of Kara’s heart. A soft comfort.

“Sleep, Lena,” she hears Kara whisper.

She does.

 

* * *

 

 

They spend the next day repeating the same pattern. Lena has cancelled work again, even though Kara had fought her on it, telling her that she was alright and that the company needed her.

Lena does know that Kara is alright. She’s walking again without losing her footing and they even manage to leave the hotel room for a bit during lunch hour to grab some food and stroll through the park. It’s a relatively quiet day and they pick some flowers and bring them back to the room with them, putting them into a glass to sit next to the bed.

They finish the first season of Gilmore Girls in the evening. Sometimes they’re laughing so hard at something that Lorelai says that it makes their stomachs hurt. And sometimes they get so caught up in a conversation that they miss half an episode because they’re talking about people they’re reminded of by certain characters or something that’s happened in their childhood.

It’s nice. But on occasion, Lena looks over at Kara, at the way she is leaning against the headboard, propped up against several pillows. She is cradling a cup of tea, eyes crinkled with quiet laughter, and she thinks about how close they got. It hurts. Every single time.

She tries her best to focus on the show, on Kara’s laughter, on her breath. But the words still creep in, still lick at the old wounds. _You are a Luthor, you do not deserve this._

She is becoming bruise again.

Because she remembers what she had wanted to tell Kara. She loves her. She is strung from it.

 _You are a Luthor, you do not get to love someone, and keep them, too._  

 

* * *

 

They’re up early the next morning. Sun is just barely stealing away the grey and the curtains are bowing lightly in the breeze of the early day.

They’re just deciding what to have for breakfast when Lena receives a call from the office and excuses herself to take it in the living room. It’s nothing major. Some documents need proofing and someone from their technology department needs to speak with her. It’s not important.

But when she enters the bedroom, Kara is looking at her expectantly, blanket wrapped around her shoulder like a cape, room service menus scattered all over the bed.

“They need you to come in, don’t they?”

“No, it’s fine,” Lena smiles and perches on her side of the bed, reaching for the menus to study them even though she knows them by heart anyway. She knows Kara is looking at her. She knows what she is going to say and so she keeps her eyes trained on the menu, studies it like she’s never hear of poached eggs before.

“Lena,” Kara sighs, “you can go in, you know? I’m fine, really. Alex even cleared me to go back to work tomorrow. You don’t need to stay here _all t_ he time.” There is an edge to her tone, an impatience to her pronunciation and it hurts.

“Oh.” Lena’s hands grip the prospect in her hand until it makes her knuckles go white. Kara doesn’t want her here anymore. She’s too much. Again. She’s held too tight.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says, trying to keep her voice even as she starts to get up, still gripping the menu in her hands as she retreats.

“Lena I- I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m sorry, Kara. It was too much, I get it.”

“No, Lena, it wasn’t I-“ she looks up at her pleadingly, pats the empty space next to her. “Come sit with me, please?”

Lena considers her request for a moment, eyes the space of empty sheet and moves back to quietly retrieve her position on the edge of the mattress.

Kara is watching her, nervously picking at the edge of the blanket before eventually speaking.

“I’m just- I’m not used to being the one who is being taken care of like this. I’m supposed to be the girl of steel, I’m supposed to save the world, I’m supposed to take care of others. But I still lose my breath a little when I stand up for too long. And I haven’t been able to eat normally yet and I’m just- I’m so frustrated with myself,” she lets out a breath of air and reaches for Lena’s hand across the bed. “I know that I heal faster than normal people and I know that I’m going to be completely fine in a couple days. I know that I’ll be able to go back to work tomorrow, but I can still feel the remnants of the attack and I’m just… frustrated with it, with myself. But Lena, I-“ She looks at her, eyes wide, begging to be understood. “I am so grateful for you. I owe you my life. I-“

“It’s fine, Kara, really.”

“No it’s not. I just- I am so grateful that you were there for me through all of this. That you held my hand when I stood up and walked again for the first time, that you brushed my hair and made me soup and that you were here, right next to me, all this time.”

Lena smiles a lopsided kind of smile and squeezes Kara’s hand still holding on to hers.

“Thank you for taking care of me when I couldn’t do it myself.”

“Any time, Kara, you know that.”

“I do, and I am grateful for that, too.”

“I can leave if you want to be alone though, I-“

“No, stay…please,” Kara requests and her voice sounds almost shy.

“Okay.” Lena nods.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s 8pm and it’s quiet. They’re both in bed, Lena sat up with her legs crossed, filling out some paperwork she had sent over from work, while Kara is lying down, scribbling notes to talk through with the director of media tomorrow. It’s quiet in a good way. Lena’s never had that with anyone before, this capability for silence. She is well-practiced in small talk, remembers her mother telling her that no one likes the silent gaps in conversation. But with Kara it doesn’t make her chest feel tight, it doesn’t feel like something that needs to be broken.

They continue like this for a while and it’s only when both of them put aside their respective work that Kara speaks quietly.

“Hey Lena?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you,” her worlds are fragile against the air, hesitant, and gentle.

“For what?”

“For staying.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kara has already fallen asleep when Lena receives a call from Alex. They’ve been calling each other frequently over the course of the past days so Lena doesn’t think any of it when she slowly extracts herself from the bed and moves towards the bathroom to take the call without disturbing Kara.

“Hey,” she greets Kara’s sister and sits herself down on one of the footmats, her back against the bathtub.

“Hey, Lena,” there is something odd in Alex’ voice but Lena cannot quite place it and so she just does what she usually does, which is giving Alex a brief rundown of the day and the state of Kara’s discovery. They had decided that they’d go back to work tomorrow. Together. And Lena really does feel that Kara is ready for it.

“That’s great,” Alex says but her voice is lacking enthusiasm.

“Alex, what’ going on?”

There is a moment of silence, static crackles through the receiver until Lena hears a soft sigh and Alex speaks again. “Right, I’m gonna need you to not freak out, okay?”

“Okay?” Lena answers, brows furrowed.

“We- The DEO and I have been investigating the alien attack for the past few days. We found that there was a group behind it, calling themselves The Defenders.”

“Okay?”

“They’re relatively harmless. We think that the fact that this alien was carrying Kryptonite was sheer, dumb luck and not an actual plan of attack.”

“Okay.”

“We also managed to track down the leaders of this group and every alien they accounted for and we locked them up so there is absolutely no danger to worry about anymore, okay?”

“Yes, okay, this is good news though, isn’t it.”

There is silence on the other end again and so Lena asks again. “Isn’t it?”

“We found out who they were targeting as well,” she can hear Alex swallow for a second, hears her take in a deep breath. “They were targeting you. It seems that they lost some of their family to Luthor technology and wanted to avenge their death and to defend themselves against the Luthor name.”

“Oh,” Lena replies. It’s not the first time something like this has happened but this time it feels like a cut somewhere deep down. This time it feels like the word collapse. Because this time, they hurt Kara. Because of her. Kara was hurt because of her. Kara nearly died because of her. Because she is a Luthor.

“Lena, I wasn’t sure whether to tell you but I knew you would find out eventually and-“

“I’m glad you did.” She tries to keep her voice neutral but it comes out like something forged from tin.

“Lena-“

“I should probably go, we have work tomorrow-“

“Lena please, none of this is your fault-“

But Lena barely hears any of it as she ends the call, lets the phone fall with a clatter to the cold, tiled floor. She can feel herself gasping for breath again. Her hands are tingling and so are her arms and bones and she lets her head fall back against the edge of the tub, feels the cold against her neck as the room starts spinning.

Her fault. This is all her fault.

She fell in love with a beautiful girl and it nearly killed her. She is a Luthor. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

There was guilt before and there is guilt after and there is nothing but the way her ribs are collapsing against the weight of her heartbeat.

It hurts. It all hurts. She presses her hands in front of her mouth tightly enough to choke the scream perched on her lips. It comes out as a whimper. As something raw.

She cannot wake Kara. Kara. Oh god Kara.

She covers her entire face in her hands, pulls her knees up to her chest, folds herself inwards, thinks that maybe this way she could fold herself into something more easy to love. Something that doesn’t hurt.

She nearly lost Kara and it would have been her fault.

She ignores Alex’ incoming call, just stays on the floor, cool tiles against her back, shivering.

 

* * *

 

 

She doesn’t remember how long she stays in this bathroom. She doesn’t remember how many times she screamed into her hands, how many times she bit into her own fingers to keep herself from screaming out loud. She doesn’t remember how many times her heartbeat seemed to choke her.

But she gets up, eventually. Runs cold water over her face, watches the redness of her eyes fade in her reflection and steps out.

Kara is still asleep. Peacefully asleep, hugging one of Lena’s pillows to her stomach. She doesn’t stir when Lena makes her way across the room to her and leans down to brush away a couple strands of hair, allows her fingertip to trace along her jaw line, to stroke her cheek, an almost-touch, just enough to make her strong enough for this.

“I love you,” she whispers, as she has before, in the dark. “I love you but it’s hurting you. It is going to keep hurting you.” She traces the path of her hairline with her thumb. “I can’t be the person to hurt you, Kara. I can’t-“ she feels tears seep back into her voice and she swallows before continuing. “I can’t be the one to hurt you so I am going to stay away, I promise. I won’t let you get hurt because of me again so I’ll stay away, I promise you will be okay.”

And with that she leaves Kara’s room, steps across the hallway and unlocks her own door. Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, updating- a wild concept. Anyway thank you so much for reading this and sticking with this story. I am so sorry for the delay in updates, I don't know why it was so hard for me to write this chapter. (Also I cannot believe I wrote this chapter 4 times and still hate it so much, how????) Anyway thank you so much for reading and apologies again.


	8. Chapter 8

 

It’s been two days. Two days since she’d gone back to work. Two days since she stepped into her office alone, heels accentuating her walk in the empty hallway, no one chatting away about lunch choices at her side. Two days since she slipped into her bed room on her own, tears brimming behind her eyes. Two days since she had taken herself out of the narrative, since she decided that she wasn’t going to cause Kara any more pain, that she would stay away. Two days that have felt like a blank space, like ellipsis.

She’s in her office now, cradling a cup of coffee. The steam is swirling above the brim and the sun has just barely come out above the city. She can hear the sounds of traffic from outside the window, the sound of a bus pulling into the lane, doors opening.

She’s never been in this early. Or maybe “never” is a strong word to throw around. Not since Kara.

And how could she have been, when usually London mornings had been filled with the two of them waking up on her couch together, because they had fallen asleep without noticing. When usually Kara would pull the covers up and beg for five more minutes with this completely cruel pout of hers. When usually they would grab coffee together. When usually they would take the route through the park, a slight crispness in the air, dew still weighing down the grass, the sound of pebble stones underneath their feet as Lena would go through her daily routine while Kara prepared parts of her article.

But it’s been two days now and she is in the office at 6 and she hates that she still looks up every five minutes, expecting Kara to sit across from her. Because she misses her. In the end that’s all there is: This empty space in front of her, and the missing inside her chest like a clenched fist.

 

It’s already lunch time when Kara steps into her office. She is wearing a light blue coat, bag slung over her shoulder. Lena looks up from the calculations on her computer and watches the way Kara halts her movements, stands somewhere in the middle of the room and pushes her glasses up and further up until she eventually clasps her hands in front of her.

“Hey,” she greets her and there is such hesitance written all over her features and it makes Lena ache with the need to reach out for her, to wrap her in her arms.

“Hi,” she replies, voice just as timid.

“I was wondering whether you wanted to grab lunch?” Kara bites her lips, before wincing slightly and looking at the floor in front of her.

“I can’t.” Lena replies, training her eyes on the screen in front of her so she doesn’t have to watch the defeated little nod Kara gives her, keeps her eyes on the bright screen until her vision begins to swim.

“Is everything okay?” Kara asks her for the tenth time in the past two days. She’s counted. And it gets worse every time because there is nothing she can do but reply with a “sure, I’m just really busy.”

And it’s all Kara can do but whisper a small, “okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kara can’t sleep. There is the faint lullaby of cars passing by their hotel and the soft lights of the city filtering in through the curtain but somehow it seems claustrophobic tonight. She pushes back the blanket, stares at the ceiling, and sighs in frustration as tears begin to well up behind her eyes.

_She hates you._

She pushes her head further into her pillow.

_She finally realized that you lied to her all this time and she hates you. Lilian was right. Oh Rao, Lilian was right._

She should have told her sooner. She wanted to. But she didn’t. And now she hates her. At least this is the only logical explanation she has managed to come up with: That suddenly, when the danger and the fear were finally passing, Lena had realized the gravity of what had happened.

And now she won’t even look at her. And she misses her.

She turns over to look at the empty spot in her bed. A spot that had been occupied by Lena only two days ago. A spot that has now turned into a blank space.

She doesn’t realize she is doing it at first but she can feel herself reaching for her, the sound of her, feels herself filtering through the noise. There are people passing by on the pavement, talking about a set of poems, there’s a cat screeching three streets down, there are people talking in the room underneath hers, a television running. Finally, she can feel her hearing reach Lena’s room, close in on her, slip through the gaps. Finally she filters through all the chaos of noise, filters through to one sound, Lena’s heartbeat, steady and familiar and whole.

She can hear Lena turn around in bed, can hear her sigh in frustration, the way she rumbles through the night stand drawer for her phone. She can’t sleep either. Maybe she misses her, too.

Kara reaches for her own phone then, unlocks it and stares at the chat that’s still opened, unmoved. Lena. With the yellow heart emoticon next to it. They haven’t used this chat much while they were in London. Most of the time they were close enough to just speak. But now she finds herself typing, four simple words. 4 simple words that still cut her wide open in a way no newspaper article ever could.

_Can I come over?_

She waits an hour. No reply.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s day three and Lena has to give a speech today and her hands won’t stop shaking. She’s never been a confident speaker, despite what National City might think, despite what her colleagues might say. She has always been nervous before going on stage, has always held onto the lectern a little bit too tightly, knuckles going white with the effort to hide her tremors.

She remembers being seven and performing in a school production only Lex attended. She remembers nearly bursting into tears and Lex whispering, “You’re a Luthor, you can do this.”

She also remembers a speech in National City. It had been before she and Kara had become close and still, there she had been. She had sent her a text right before, reading only, “I’m here, rooting for u!” With a yellow heart attached to it. When Lena had stepped out, she found her immediately. First row, glasses and ponytail, a notebook open in her hand. She had smiled at her and given her a thumbs up and somehow everything had narrowed in on her face then, on Kara believing in her. Her hands had stopped shaking then.

She’s waiting behind the stage now, waiting to be announced by her colleague Michael, who is doing the main part of the speech by introducing the merger and presenting its first results to the investors.

“I now present to you, Lena Luthor, CEO-“ the rest is lost to her as she walks towards the stage, slowly makes her way towards the lectern. She is dimly aware of the hushed whispers of the crowd but it sounds like the noise is covered by a thick blanket, like there is only her, walking across the stage. It feels like she’s stuck in slow motion, everything is thick and heavy and she’s making sure she is smiling, always smiling, and that her hands aren’t balled up, that her head is held high. 

She finally reaches the lectern, something to hold on to, and time seems to finally return to her. The lights are stark white, all pointed at her and she squints for a second before she adjusts to the brightness.

The stage is set in the foyer of the office building and every last nook is packed. She can’t make out any faces, dots of light still dancing in her peripheral vision and so she focuses her eyes on her flashcards, starts speaking with a sure and confident voice that always manages to surprise her.

She doesn’t quite know how long her speech has been going on for but she finally reaches the end after what feels like a decade. She is thanking the investors and all the other people involved in the merger. Her eyes wander across the crowd, finding people nodding their approval, finding Charles Clarkson, one of their most influential investors, smiling at her, a guy next to him patting him on the shoulder. She smiles back before glancing at her flashcards again. Her hands are still shaking and she can feel her voice going scratchy but she cannot have a sip of water because if she reaches for it people will undoubtedly notice her hands. She takes a second to take a breath and in that moment a guy from the back starts shouting. She doesn’t hear all of it. Most of it is lost in the distance between them, in the rumble of the crowd that picks up immediately. Only this: “We don’t want you here, Luthor.” And something that sounds a lot like booing. She sees security step in immediately, the way they grab him and pull him back to the security entrance. The crowd turns back to her expectantly, and she finds that she doesn’t know what to say. She looks back at her flashcards but her eyes seem to gloss over. Her hands are still shaking. She looks back up. And then suddenly sees a small movement to the left of the stage, a person pushing their way to the first row. Her eyes lock on Kara. Kara, who is looking up at her with her glasses knocked slightly to the side. Kara, who is giving her a small thumbs up. Kara, who is mouthing a small, “I’m rooting for you,” in her direction.

She nods. And finishes her speech.

She only pauses again when she is right at the end. When she is supposed to say her good-byes, announce the next speaker. She allows herself another glance at Kara, who immediately offers her a big smile. She’s there. Despite everything. Right there in the center, rooting for her.

She doesn’t realize that she starts speaking again. Her eyes are still trained on only Kara.

“I would also like to thank my friend, Kara Danvers, who accompanied me here on this trip as a reporter. Her wisdom and kindness continue to inspire me and her belief in my company and myself are genuinely what made all of this possible. Thank you, Kara, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lena is back at her hotel room, stripped from the day’s formal wear and changed into a set of pajamas. Her bottoms have little penguins on and the T-shirt is one she was gifted by Kara a long time ago. It is several sizes too big and has the Central Perk logo printed on the front, slightly washed out from frequent wear.

She is settling on the couch now, pulls her legs up underneath her and opens her laptop. Before she can get started on any work though, her door is being pushed open so forcefully, it slams against the wall with a bang. She startles from her position on the sofa, turning around quickly to find the source of the noise standing inside her living room. Kara’s hands are on her hips in her classic Supergirl pose, a pose that is meant to make her feel confident, a pose of rage.

“You don’t get to do this,” she says, anger seeping from her words.

Lena stares at her dumfounded and she hears herself reply before she can think, “What?”

“You left straight after the speech on your own again and you don’t get to do this anymore,” Kara’s voice breaks a little on the last syllable and it’s then that Lena realizes she is trying to hold back tears. Supergirl pose, raised chin and all. She’s made her cry and that knowledge almost knocks her out.

She is still staring at her, lips forming a slight “o” as Kara pushes the door back shut and steps towards her.

“You do not get to make a speech like that and then leave me again.”

“I-“

“You have been pushing me away for the past few days and it hurt, Lena.” She steps yet a little closer, now standing so that her legs nearly brush against the couch. “It really hurt but I thought it was because I lied to you, that you finally realized how horrible I’ve been to you and that you couldn’t stand it. I was trying to figure out how to talk to you, how to make you listen, how to apologize but then you made this speech and it just-“ Lena can see the tears shimmering in her eyes now, can see Kara look up to the ceiling in an effort to suppress them. “You looked at me. You looked at me for the first time in two days and I thought that maybe we could be friends again, that maybe you could forgive me but then you left me again and I just- You can’t be mad at me and then make a speech like this, it isn’t fair.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Lena replies quietly, too quietly, and she can hear that her voice is strained by tears, too.

“Then why?” Kara asks, a tear falling from her eyes and she pushes back her glasses a little so she can wipe it away. “What did I do to you?” And it’s the sheer vulnerability in her voice that makes Lena feel like the room is slipping away and she replies.

“You made me fall in love with you.” It sounds defeated. Small.

There is silence after that.

And after the silence, Kara steps closer to the couch, seemingly still in a daze, still not comprehending. And she sits down on the opposite end of the couch, facing Lena.

“What?”

Lena merely shakes her head, eyes falling down to her clasped hands in her lap, to the way her nails are digging little half-moons into her skin. A little galaxy all of her own.

“You made me fall in love with you, even though I can’t have this.”

“Lena-“ She can still hear the tears in Kara’s voice as she whispers her name into the quiet room.

“I’m a Luthor and I always end up losing things like this,” she finally looks up at Kara then, offers her a sad, little thing of a smile. “Gentle things like this. And I know you don’t love me back and I’m okay with that but just- me loving you is already enough to hurt you.”

“Lena-“

“The alien that attacked you was here for me, you nearly died because of me and I just-“ She shakes her head, tears now running down her cheeks but she doesn’t bother wiping them away. “I just wanted us to be good to each other, but I’m a Luthor and I just-“

“Lena-“

“I’m sorry I can’t do this right now,” She says, standing up already. She feels like the room is spinning, or maybe she is spinning. Her hands are shaking again and she reaches the door, only half-aware that if she runs out of her own room there is probably no place to go. She just knows that she can’t stay in this room, with all these revelations hanging thick in the air.

“Lena, wait-“ She hears Kara call after her.

“I’m sorry, I just-“ she reaches for the door knob. “I can’t right now.” And with that she leaves the room. She doesn’t hear the way Kara whispers a quiet objection after the door falls shut. “But I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

She gives her a day. It’s the longest 24 hours of her life-time and she gives them to her. But at the end of the day she is standing in front of Lena’s room again, hand raised in front of the dark brown wood. Her hand falls heavily against the door, knocks, two, then three times.

Then she waits, shifting from one side to the other.

What if she doesn’t answer?

What if she doesn’t come?

She counts the seconds. Five. Six.

Twenty.

The door opens.

Lena is wearing jeans and that’s enough to have her brain short-circuit for a second before managing to stutter a weak, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Lena replies.

There are dark circles underneath her eyes and Kara knows that she probably doesn’t look much better.

“You busy?”

“Kara-“

“I want to show you something.”

Lena looks like she is about to object but Kara looks at her then. Really looks at her. “Please, Lena,” both words are equal parts prayer and plea and she can see something inside Lena’s eyes break before she nods.

“Let me grab my coat.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I can drive on the left side of the road. I can do it,” Kara says next to her. They are sat in a small rented car. They haven’t managed to figure out how to change the radio station so they’re listening to a piano concert as they leave the city behind. Kara had chosen a rental place at the edge of the city so they would avoid traffic and once they are on the highway they barely pass another car.

“I believe you.”

“I was talking to myself,” Kara mumbles under her breath as she indicates right to overtake a lorry.

They take an exit after roughly 2o minutes on the highway and drive through a series of country lanes. The sky outside has already turned dark and it’s only their headlights against the painted black expanses ahead of them. The piano is still humming softly from the speakers and Kara has opened her window just a crack, the scent of fresh grass and soil filling the car.

When they finally come to a halt, Lena has lost all sense of direction. They have been driving alongside a winding road for a while now, climbing higher and higher into nothingness. Kara is now parking the car in a small indentation of the road, just wide enough to fit their car. Gravel cracks underneath the wheels as Kara stops it and Lena glances over at her for a second, confused.

“We’re there,” Kara says, a small smile flitting across her lips.

“Where?” Lena asks and Kara’s smile only widens as she pushes the door open and moves to the trunk of the car.

Lena eventually decides not to question this and, after a moment of hesitation, steps outside the car. Kara has opened the trunk and pulled out a series of blankets, various thermos bottles and what looks like a tin of biscuits.

She rounds the car to its hood and places two of the blankets on top of it before she pulls herself up on top of it and lies down. Lena watches her with slight confusion until she sighs and joins Kara on the hood of the car.

“I brought hot cocoa,” Kara says while handing her one of the thermoses.

“Thanks.” There is a moment of silence and Lena allows her head to fall back, her eyes travelling up to find the enormous luminosity of stars. There are millions of them visible here. It’s a rather clear night, none of the city’s pollution has touched this place and with the clouds pulled away like a curtain, they have a clear view of the sky. The stars are scintillating quietly above them, brightening the sky, and Lena is able to make out the constellation of Cleopatra, its slow slopes and edges. She’s can also make out _old lady with a poodle dog_ , Kara’s fictional constellation and feels her lips turn up into a quiet smile at that. She started looking out for Kara’s constellations on lonely nights, tracing her fingers along their curves, the way they’re painted there in the sky, make her feel at home, a shelter made out of stars.

She sees Kara raise her hand in her peripheral vision, sees the way she points at a point in the distant sky.

“Krypton would have been right there.”

Lena stares at the empty spot, this black spot in the middle of brilliant light and reaches out for Kara’s hand, squeezes it because it’s all she can do, all she can offer for comfort when her throat feels like it’s closing off.

“I brought you here, because I wanted to tell you a truth,” Kara continues speaking quietly at her side. “A truth only Alex knows, no one else.”

“Okay,” Lena says, quietly now, like it’s meant for Kara, only Kara, like none of the stars were supposed to listen to her secrets.

Kara takes a deep breath, intertwines their fingers and begins speaking. “When Krypton was destroyed, I thought I would never breathe again. I was put into this little pod and watched my whole world disappear and I thought I was dying alongside it. I was scared,” she reaches for a thermos at that and Lena can see her hand shaking and squeezes the one she is holding on to tighter at the sight. Kara takes a sip of cocoa and allows her eyes to fall onto the sky again.

“I was scared of what was ahead and who I was going to be. I was scared of what I had lost. I was scared of losing again. It’s funny-“ she shakes her head a little at that. “Because people always call me the girl of steel. They say that I’m not afraid of anything and I’m just thinking, what absolute nonsense,” she laughs a little at that, a desperate thing of a laugh that hurts somewhere deep down. “What nonsense, because I am afraid of everything all the time. I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my sister. I’m afraid of how angry I can be and what I could do. I’m afraid of losing my family. I’m afraid of being exposed to the world. I’m afraid of how fragile humans are. You are so fragile, you are so easily broken and I hate this knowledge. I’m afraid of losing another home. I’m afraid of another blank spot in the universe. I’m afraid of losing you.” She takes a deep breath after that, a breath that trembles around the edges and for a while they just stare at the stars, at all those lights.

“When I came here I was so afraid of loving someone again, of losing another family, but Alex didn’t let me. She was just there. All the time. And whenever I got scared she would just hold onto me, wrap her arms around me and tell me that I was loved and that we were both still there in this moment together.”

“And you started to love her.”

“I think I always did, but I allowed myself to accept this love. I’m still afraid that I will lose her, that I will lose you. That’s the point, I don’t think I’ll ever stop being afraid, but in the meantime I’m still going to love as fiercely as possible.  Because right now we are in this moment together and there are still so many stars left,” she points at the sky. “So much light out there,” she smiles a little then and looks over at Lena for the first time. “So much love.” She whispers.

They keep watching the sky, the little satellites dancing across the blackness from time to time, a plane passing by. There are cicadas singing somewhere and for a moment they’re just still.

“I have another truth,” Kara whispers quietly then. “It’s the only one I have left.”

“Okay.” Lena shifts a little so that’s he can look at her. Their faces are really close, the thermos open between them, steam swirling in the air, the slight scent of cocoa, their noses only inches apart.

“It’s a little scary,” Kara whispers and then squeezes her hand and says, “I’m in love with you.” She shrugs a little, a motion of helplessness, a motion of _here’s my heart I cannot handle it on my own anymore._

Lena can feel her lower lip tremble with Kara’s words, feels her teeth cut into it, feels her fingers tighten around Kara’s. She loves her back. Kara loves her back. And she is going to hurt her. She is going to keep hurting her. Because Luthors do not deserve a love like this. A love like it’s written in the stars.

“I’m scared,” she hears herself whisper then. Involuntarily. Because she too, can’t handle this on her own anymore.

She feels Kara’s thumb against the back of her hand, tracing small patterns and somehow that’s enough for her own truth, for her own words, to come spilling out against this clear night.

“I’ve lost so many people, Kara. I’ve had so many people taken away from me. I’ve had so many people tell me that I didn’t deserve good things because I’m a Luthor. And I think at some point I just accepted that this was the way it was going to be. I didn’t anticipate you,” her voice cracks a little on that last syllable and she has to take a breath to steady herself. “I didn’t anticipate you and the way you held on to me. You believed in me. You made me feel safe, like nothing bad could ever happen to us but then you nearly got killed because of me.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know. Alex kept telling me this as well but it doesn’t matter, does it? I’m a Luthor, I hurt people without even trying to. I hurt people just because I am. And I can’t be the person to hurt you, Kara. I just simply cannot. So I thought if I just stayed away, you could be safe. You could be happy.”

“I want to be happy with you.”

Lena can feel her lips turn up into something almost resembling a smile. Something that could have been if it hadn’t been so sad.

“You deserve love, Lena. You deserve soft and gentle things. You deserve all of it. You deserve someone to stay,” Kara says next to her then, quietly but with enough fervor to shake the night.

“I don’t know if I’m brave enough for this, Kara,” her words are so quiet but she knows Kara can hear, has always heard her. “I can’t lose another person. I simply cannot stand it, and I don’t know whether I can do this,” she gestures vaguely between the two of them.

Kara nods, still holding onto her hand. Still there.

There is a car cutting through the darkness of the night, passes them by and disappears just as quickly.

“So where does this leave us?” Lena asks, afraid of what the answer will be. Afraid of letting go of Kara’s hand. Afraid of staying.

“I don’t know,” Kara shrugs, then looks at her. “Maybe for tonight we don’t have to make any life altering choices, maybe tonight we can just be…. us, just two people trying to figure it out.” She looks at her and her eyes are so hopeful, so full of light and Lena finds herself nodding.

“I’d like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

They stay on the hood of the car until they run out of cocoa, pointing at various stars but remaining quiet otherwise. They never let go of the other’s hand, not even when they drive back.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s long past midnight when they arrive at their hotel again. The ride in the elevator seems to take ages and when they finally stand in between their opposing doors, they just look at each other for a second, both of them clutching their key cards, both of them insecure.

Kara’s eyes are shy and soft in the low lighting of the hallway and Lena steps towards her door, looks back at Kara, how she is standing there, how it’s late and they’re both tired. There’s always been something brave about the hours after midnight, something brave about slipping into these cracks of time, something inexplicably brave that makes her unlock her door and hold it open.

Kara smiles at her then and steps past her into her room. She follows.

 

* * *

 

 

Two days pass. They’re two days filled with hesitant friendship, with hesitant open doors, with hesitant lunches and hesitant hugs. It’s two days of slowly falling into themselves again.

On day two, Kara gets home in the evening after Lena has already left the office. She had been swamped with skype calls to her editorial manager and conversations with the photographer, working with her on this project, and hadn’t managed to get out until now.

She’s debating knocking on Lena’s door the entire way up in the elevator and all the while she is walking down the hallway. She still isn’t sure where the boundaries are now, where _they_ are now. They’re still trying to figure it out. But somewhere in the middle of this chaos, there are their text messages that consist of too many emojis. There is the way Lena smiles whenever she brings her a coffee during the day and somehow she thinks they’re going to be okay.

Maybe it’s because she is so preoccupied with her thoughts of Lena and the debate of knocking vs not knocking vs knocking later, that she misses the fact that there something leaning against her door. It’s an orange lily, just barely peeking out of brown wrapping paper, long stemmed and gorgeous. She moves towards it slowly and bends down to pick it up, inhales the sweet scent. There is a small note attached to it and she recognizes Lena’s handwriting immediately.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Lena hasn’t told her about the lily yet. And so when she enters her room she starts up her computer before she searches for something she can turn into a vase. She ends up putting the flower in a toothbrush cup and places it on the desk next to her before she starts her google search.

There are 452000 results for the lily, all types of lilies. But she remembers what Lena told her about the rose, how every one of them has their own story, their own little meaning. And so she takes her time, filters through the masses of results until she finds the type of lily she is looking for. Orange and bold and freckled black. Tiger Lily.

She scrolls through the website, skimming over the article until she reaches a headline called “Meaning” and her eyes lock onto one simple sentence. Her heart picks up its speed then and her lips part into a wide, open smile. She is out of her door within a second.

Because right there on her screen there is one sentence and it’s the beginning of everything.

_The tiger lily means, I dare you to love me._

 

* * *

 

 

Lena’s been pacing for the past 20 minutes now. She tried to sit down and watch TV. She tried doing paperwork. But in the end her nerves had gotten too much and her stomach had gotten all knotted up and so she had started pacing.

What if she doesn’t get it?

What if she does?

She continues pacing.

Then. Finally. There is a knock on her door, quick and urgent, and she pulls it open with a force that causes it to slam against the wall a little. And there she is, Kara, standing in her doorframe. Her hair is open and tousled, the scarf she had worn to work today is half-way dragging on the floor, and her eyes are just as wide as Lena’s. She looks like an absolute mess. She has never looked more beautiful than she does in this moment. (Standing in front of her door. Loving her. Still)

“I got your message,” she says, her eyebrows furrowing, lips curling upwards with so much hesitance, so much careful hope. “Are you sure?”

 “I’m really tired of not being brave enough for this, Kara,” she says and it’s scary and thrilling all at once. “So I’m willing to try… if you are?”

And Kara’s face breaks open with the must luminous smile at this. “I am,” she says, nodding and smiling with shining eyes, struck by this moment they created here. Together.

“Because I’m really tired of not doing this.” And with that Kara finally, _finally_ , reaches out for her _,_ closes the distance and kisses her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't be asked to edit this any more, so here have it as the mess that it is. Thank you so much for reading and all the kudos and lovely comments. Your support really means a lot to me and I am so happy to see so many people enjoy this story!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Lena is nervous. She is entering the hotel lobby, brief case dangling from her hand, heels sure on the white-tiled floor despite the fact that her hands are trembling a little. She greets the concierge and enters the elevator, stares at her reflection in the mirror. She looks composed, as always. The only trace of her nervousness are the small marks sill left on her skin from where she’d been fiddling with her fingers throughout the ride back.

She’s nervous.

Because Kara’s been planning a date.

She had been thrilled of course, when Kara had asked her whether she could plan it. “I know we decided to take it slow and I absolutely understand if you don’t want to but just-“ she had pushed up her glasses then, shy and nervous, yet excited to be asking, to be allowed to ask. “Our time here is coming to an end, there’s only five days left and I just… I want to go on our first date here, because this is where everything changed.” She had shrugged a little after that and looked up at Lena, waiting for a reply, eyes big and blue and beautiful and Lena had heard her reply more than she had consciously decided on it. “Yes.”

She is still excited to be going on a date with Kara Danvers. She is excited to call it that: a date. She is going on a date and it’s both wonderful and terrifying all the same. Because she isn’t good at dates. And she knows it will be different now. Because it’s Kara. Not one of those business men with ties and big wrist watches and hands that always seem to grab for whatever they want. She knows that Kara is not them. But she has never, not once, been comfortable on a date, and the fact that it’s Kara doesn’t change the fact that she is scared she is going to mess this up.

 

* * *

 

 

She fumbles with her keys for a while before she finally manages to unlock her door. Kara had left two hours before her. She had quickly peaked into her office to give her a quick goodbye. (Then she had closed the door. Opened it again only two seconds later, rushed through the room to Lena’s chair and had given her a small, sweet kiss, right on the lips. “I forgot I’m allowed to do that now.” And with that she had been gone again, leaving Lena in a daze, staring at her bright screen, smiling, smiling, smiling.)

She finally pushes the door open, quickly reminding herself of what she had to do before Kara would be here to pick her up. Shower. Change into a nice dress. Lipstick. Not too much lipstick. But before she can finish her mental to do list, she steps around the corner leading to her living room and stops in her tracks. The room is illuminated by the light of several garlands of fairy lights and a myriad of candles, carefully set out on every table, nook and shelf. The small lights cast the room in a gentle light and in its midst there is a picnic blanket, spread out across the floor, with a basket next to it and a wine cooler and then, there is Kara, turning around in just this moment with the brightest smile.

“You’re early,” she says and it’s all Lena can do to nod.

“Welcome to our date,” Kara says then and gets up to move toward her, take her briefcase and put it away with her coat and to then lead her to the blanket.

“I didn’t think you wanted something big and fancy for our first date, so I thought we could have a picnic?”

The two of them settle down on the blanket, Lena discarding her heels before sitting down with her legs crossed.

“There’s food in this, I wasn’t sure what you wanted. I mean…I know what you like but I didn’t know what you felt like so I got everything I could think of. There is also Ben&Jerry’s in the cooler over there and-“ She seems to become aware of her rambling and closes her mouth again.

“Is this lame? I’m sorry if it’s lame I just wanted you to be comfortable on our first date, but I should have probably booked a fancy restaurant or-“

And it’s then that Lena reaches out for her finally, still too stunned to speak but needing Kara to know that this is all she could have possibly wanted. She is aware of the fact that her cheeks are dampening with tears and that her chest feels so full of everything that she could burst.

Kara is looking at her, worried and scared and it’s only then that Lena realizes that Kara is probably just as scared as she is. That she probably also spent the entire day agonizing over whether she would mess this up.

“It’s wonderful Kara,” she manages to whispers. She allows her eyes to travel through the room once again, takes in the little lights, the golden hues of fairy lights reflected against the wall. The way everything is very softly alight and they’re in the midst of it, bathed in light.

“This is better than any fancy restaurant could have ever been,” she says and means it. She looks back at Kara, at the way her eyes are shining in this light, at the way she still looks nervous and so beautifully vulnerable here.

“I’ve had all the fancy restaurants in the world, all the show and elegance. And it was awful. Because none of these men and none of the women I dated were there for me. They were there for the show, for the Luthor, for my body. I hated dates and eventually I stopped expecting anything from them. I’ve never had anything like this.” She gestures at the room, at the small candles, the picnic basket, and lastly, Kara. “I’ve never had someone care like you do. I’ve never had a date like this. A date that meant something.”

Kara smiles at her then and squeezes her hand back gently.

“So this is okay?” She asks, still shy, still hesitant and it makes Lena reach out for her with her free hand, brush back a strand of her hair and press a gentle kiss into the corner of her mouth.

“It’s perfect, Kara.”

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the date is lighter. Almost unbearably light. Like they didn’t just fall in love. Like the fall had been easy.

Kara wasn’t joking when she had said that she’d gotten everything. There is pizza and potstickers and Lena’s kale salad that she complimented with a little post-it note that she had drawn a little frowning smiley on. There is chocolate and strawberries and cheese and crackers. There is ice cream and fruit salad and several types of pasta. There is everything.

They spend a long time just alternating between dishes, feeding each other things they liked and Lena trying to get Kara to eat kale.

“It’s really good for you, Kara, and it actually tastes really nice.”

“Lena, no offence but it looks like slime.”

“Don’t be such a snob.”

“Says the woman currently judging my pizza.”

“It’s greasy.”

“It’s great.”

It’s their usual banter, their usual back and forth that’s always been easy and soft and entirely unexpected. Except that now she can lean forward and press a kiss to Kara’s cheek whenever she wants. Except that Kara’s hand sometimes trails along her thigh almost mindlessly, except that she doesn’t have to hide the small shiver it elicits every time.

“You’re wearing jeans,” Lena states after they’ve finished eating and are lying down on the blanket, Lena’s head propped up on Kara’s chest where she can feel the way she is breathing, slow and steady.

“Yes?”

“You hardly ever wear jeans,” she says now, voice slow and lazy from the wine. “You should wear jeans more often.”

“Okay?”

“They look good.”

“Hold on,” Kara says then, suddenly sitting up, which results in Lena losing her as a pillow and grumbling as she is forced to sit up as well. “You’re flirting with me.”

“Yes,” Lena says. There is an odd shyness to her now but it eases as soon as she sees Kara smiling at her, wide and happy.

“I like it. Do it some more.”

 

* * *

 

 

There is a moment of quiet when it’s already well into the night and both of them are stifling yawns. Lena has her duvet draped across her shoulder because she had gotten cold and Kara had raced to the bedroom to get it for her.

Kara’s head rests in Lena’s lap and she is smiling at her in a quiet way, like she has just discovered a secret and is holding it between cupped hands.

“What?” Lena asks, hands tangled in blonde curls.

“Nothing,” Kara smiles up at her, “I’m just really happy.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s nearly 2am when Kara glances at her watch for the first time. They’ve been talking about girl bands and dream revivals and TV shows and everything else, both of them lying on the blanket together, gazing up at the ceiling sprinkled with fairy lights. Their conversation had gone more quiet throughout the evening, words had begun to slur, sentences had gotten shorter. Lena’s head is now resting against Kara’s shoulder, her hair tickling the exposed skin around her collar bones while Kara is weighing her options of either staying here and sleeping, or leaving.

“I should probably head over,” she mumbles eventually, voice slow and silent.

“Why?” Lena asks, shifting her weight a little bit so she can look up at her with big eyes and furrowed brows.

“Because we should get some sleep,” Kara smiles and before she can help herself, she closes the small distance between the two of them and presses a gentle kiss onto Lena’s lips.

“You can stay here.”

“Oh, I just thought…with us taking it slow…” There is that shyness to her again in the way she bites her lips and averts her eyes; because, in the end, this is new to both of them.

“You can stay…if you want of course; If you wanna head out and-“

“I want to stay,” Kara interrupts her. And there is something so thrilling about hearing her say this _. I want to stay_. She is going to stay. They are both going to stay.

“Okay,” she says for lack of a better reply. And Kara takes her hand and pulls her up, ignoring the way Lena complains at the movement, and guides her to her bedroom with a soft smile. And Lena thinks she gets it. She gets the weight of this.

 

* * *

 

 

They are late for work the next day. This is partially due to the fact that traffic had been especially horrendous during this morning. Mostly, however, it’s due to the fact that there is still a novelty to waking up to each other. They’ve been sleeping next to each other for almost every night during their time in London of course. They had fallen asleep on Kara’s sofa and had eventually woken up the next morning, gotten ready together, and gone to work.

It’s different now though. Now, waking up in the morning means sleepily blinking at each other and soft smiles. Now, waking up means hands tangling underneath the white blanket like a soft secret shared between the two of them. Now, it means soft lips brushing against each other. Now it means getting coffee and staying in bed for just a little longer, basking in this moment together.

So they are a little late for work. They find that they don’t care at all.

They’re standing in the elevator now, waiting for it to reach their floor so they can start work. Lena is reviewing  some papers she was given at reception when they had entered the building. She is mid-rant about their technical developments on some new motor they’ve been building. Kara isn’t really paying attention to her words but instead focuses on the way her hands move, agitated and excited, the way they serve to accentuate her speech. Her eyes shine in the neon-lighting of the elevator and one singular strand of hair has escaped the tight bun on her head and instead falls into her face. It makes Kara want to reach out for it, tuck it away, maybe allow the back of her index finger to brush across the soft skin of her cheeks. She knows she is staring at her, but there is something riveting about this, something careless like leaping out into the sky.

“-and if we assemble the electrodes a little differently we could-“ Lena breaks off her speech to look at Kara, who is regarding her with a fond smile, one eyebrow raising slightly in question. “What?”

And Kara replies before she can help herself, “You’re such a nerd.”

Lena feigns offence for a second, stems her hands on her hips with it, but finds that she cannot keep it up for long when Kara chuckles softly and reaches out for her to kiss her square on the lips.

Her eyes are glowing when she steps back again. “And you’re my nerd now.”

 

* * *

 

 

The day passes and as it does, Kara comes up with increasingly more ridiculous excuses to visit Lena in her office. She always enters with a shy smile and leaves with a small kiss that makes Lena think of the word reconstruction, of the way peonies open in the summertime.

It’s a day of gentle smiles, of passing brushes against hands, of fingers reaching out, of teeth biting into lips. It’s good. And it comes to an end in form of an 8pm phone call. The gist of it is that because of the new developments in the production of the motor, the investors would like Lena to stay for two more weeks to oversee the process. She’ll have to spend two more weeks in London. Alone. Because while Kara had immediately rung CatCo to ask for an extension of her stay, there was no swaying  Snapper Carr. Kara would fly back in three days’ time and Lena would stay behind. Two weeks. They both know logically that two weeks aren’t that bad but somehow logic does very little to ease the way both their chests hurt with it. And so they’re lying in bed at 9pm, both of them staring at the ceiling, hands intertwined between their bodies.

“It’s just two weeks,” Kara whispers into the silence of the room eventually.

“Yeah.”

There is another stretch of silence that weighs on the air and Lena can feel her thoughts spinning in her head, can feel the way they’re screaming at her, ugly, dirty things like _this is it then, this is how it ends._

She tries to keep her heartbeat steady, knowing that Kara will pick up on it but it’s to no avail and soon she feels Kara squeeze her hand gently before asking, “What’s wrong?”

It’s a simple enough question. And usually the answer is _oh nothing, everything is fine_. And Lena nearly replies with just that. A knee jerk answer.  But she bites it back instead. Because Kara isn’t one of those boys who asked her this question between concrete grounds and empty wine bottles. Kara is soft in this bed with her. Kara is trailing her thumb across the back of her hand, drawing little stars into her soft flesh. And she wants to be open with her; she wants to be split open.

“What happens when we’re back in National City?” She asks then.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” She turns around to face Kara then, props herself up on her elbow so they’re only inches apart. There is an intimacy in this moment that startles both of them, an intimacy in being this open. This vulnerable.

“What are we going to do? We have London now, and I love what we have here but it’s just … it’s like we’re in this bubble where nothing bad can happen to us, you know? It doesn’t feel real yet and I just- I don’t know what happens when we go back.”

“Lena.” There is a softness in the way Kara speaks her name. There always has been. Like the consonants were softened like shards of glass. Like there wasn’t any other way to speak her name than with this much care.

“Yes?”

“I’m in this.” Kara says. Simple and sure and it’s almost enough to knock her out right there.

“And I mean not just for a couple days in London. I mean, I am in this even when we return to our real lives-“

“We’ll go back to our jobs though.”

“Yes, and I can’t wait to see Jess’ face when I kiss you goodbye in the morning for the first time. I think she’s been rooting for us a little bit.”

Lena laughs a little at that. Jess had been asking her about Kara frequently and had even gone as far as leaving brochures for fancy restaurants on Lena’s desk on days she knew Kara would come by.

“What about your friends though, what if they don’t approve? What about Alex, what-“

“I’ve kind of already told Alex.”

“Wait what, you didn’t tell me that.”

“Yeah, I texted her when you were asleep after we first kissed,” she smiles that soft, fond smile that always appears whenever she thinks of that first night, that first kiss with all its hesitancy and longing and absolute, absolute joy. “I wrote something along the lines _of Lena and I kissed tonight_ in all caps and a hundred exclamation marks.”

“What did she say?”

“She just wrote back _finally_ with a little thumbs-up emoji.”

“Well, that was anticlimactic.”

“You didn’t really think she wouldn’t be thrilled, did you?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs a little awkwardly and mumbles, “Alex is a little scary.”

“Yes, and she adores you. She once threatened a guy in a restaurant because she overheard him talk badly about you.”

Lena can’t help but feel surprised by that and Kara must notice it in her features because she adds, “You’re family,” as way of explanation. She says this with a shrug, like an afterthought, like this _, family_ , was the most simple thing in the world. Like it hadn’t taken Lena years to find it. Like her hands had never shaken with the want for one. And now here she is, in a foreign city with a girl in her bed, holding her hand like it’s nothing.

“And you’re family to the others, too. Winn kind of worships the ground you walk on and constantly refers to you as the other part of the epic science duo. James and Maggie both adore you and Eliza constantly asks me whether you’re okay and when you’re coming to dinner again. I also think she is knitting you a Christmas sweater this year. Fair warning though, she isn’t great at knitting.”

By now, Lena feels tears spilling from her eyes, the way they stain her cheeks with salt. She’s never been great at holding back tears, especially when it came to Kara. But when she reaches up to brush them away, Kara leans forward instead, presses gentle kisses onto her cheeks and wraps her arm around her shoulder.

“Everything is going to be okay, Lena, even in National City, even when things go back to normal.”

Lena smiles a little at that, face smushed into the crook of Kara’s neck. She knows that Kara will feel the upturn of her lips against her flesh, knows that she is spilling her happiness into Kara’s skin like she is trying to write in braille.

“I think maybe especially when things go back to normal,” Kara adds then and Lena pulls back just a little so she can look at Kara with questioning eyes.

“You know, I love the novelty of this, I love kissing you in the mornings and it feeling like I am stealing these moments. I love waking up to you and knowing that I get to reach out for you, pull you into me, that I get to touch you.” Lena smiles when Kara accentuates her statement by pressing another soft kiss to Lena’s forehead before continuing. “I love calling you my girlfriend because it’s new and every time I say it, it’s thrilling and makes me feel like I am discovering flight all over again.”

“I’m your girlfriend?” Lena asks with wide eyes.

“Yeah, I’m afraid you are,” Kara replies, laughter crinkling her eyes around the edges.

“Oh good.”

Kara smirks at this and Lena can tell she is trying desperately to hold back the laughter and so she pushes her shoulder a little bit which only causes her to laugh out loud.

“I wasn’t sure okay,” Lena pouts.

“You want to be though, right?” Kara asks.

And Lena laughs and nods. “Of course I do.”

“Well then, you,” Kara says and accentuates it with a kiss, “are,” another kiss,” now,” kiss, “officially my girlfriend.”

Lena smiles at that, feels her face break open with the happiness of this and for a moment, they lie in bed again, basking in this moment together. In this glow-stick love they have created here, where everything, even the cracks, is illuminated with it.

“What I was saying though, before you distracted me with kisses,” Kara speaks again, their faces still just inches apart, Kara’s arm wrapped around her waist now, holding her close.

“You kissed me,” Lena objects.

“Yes, but you were very kissable so I am still blaming you for distracting me.” Kara pokes out her tongue at her a little bit and Lena laughs before replying with a simple, “Okay.”

“Anyway, I want …normal with you.”

“Okay?”

“I don’t know how to describe this. I just… I want what Eliza and Jeremiah had, not those characters in movies where everything is always a push and pull of new excitements and angst.”

Lena nods along with this, prodding Kara to go on.

“I want lazy Sunday mornings where we argue over who is getting the coffee and who has to start with the sports page in the newspaper.”

“I’m having economy first,” Lena says quickly.

“I’m a reporter, I work in the news. I should be able to choose.”

“I am a CEO, I work in economy.”

“See, this,” Kara beams and Lena rolls her eyes even though her lips are curved into a soft smile.

“I want you to come home at night to find me cooking in the kitchen.” This Lena accompanies with a doubtful look that makes Kara smile and add, “Or maybe having ordered take out in the living room.”

“We may need to keep our standards realistic,” Lena laughs and Kara nods before continuing.

“I want to brush my teeth next to you in the mornings and make faces at you in the mirror, and I want to pick you up from work and for you to tell me about your day, and I want to pick out furniture with you and flip mattresses and…I know this might not sound super romantic but I…  just want normal with you, not a bubble, just a life.”

And Lena looks at her for a long time, at her blue eyes in the sparse light of the room, and it’s overwhelming the way she is feeling with all of this, the way she is feeling so filled up with light she might burst any second, the way her throat seems to close up with love for this woman lying next to her and so it’s all she can do to reach out for her, pull her close and kiss her and kiss her and kiss her until she feels like she can stand it.

When they finally part, Kara pulls back a little and looks at her, eyes shy now, insecure. “Is that okay?” She asks.

“Yes,” Lena laughs through the fresh  tears pooling in her eyes. “That is very okay. I want normal with you too, Kara. I want to come home to you, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Lena wakes up to find the other side of the bed unoccupied. She is however also aware of the way the front door opens and closes in that exact moment and of the way someone walks through her living room on tiptoes. Seconds later, her bedroom door is being gently pushed open and Kara glances into the room. Lena watches the way her face lights up considerably when she finds her to be awake.

“Perfect timing,” Kara grins, pushing the door open with her hip. “I brought breakfast.”

And indeed, she is carrying a tray filled with two steaming cups of coffee and a bag filled with baked goodies from the bakery just outside their hotel.

“I hope you like croissants,” Kara smiles.

“Well, I, for one, am human.”

“Funny,” Kara deadpans and slips underneath the covers again, placing the tray between the two of them. Her feet brush against Lena’s who grumbles a little at the touch.

“Your feet are cold,” she complains but doesn’t move away even an inch.

Kara passes her the cup of coffee and Lena finds that the foam is shaped as a little heart. It’s a bit of a cliché but she isn’t really beyond clichés. She loves them. She loves those little gestures, those little moments between the two of them that are unmistakably Kara. That are unmistakably love.

“You can drink it, you know,” Kara smirks in reply to Lena just gazing at the cup between her hands.

“It’s too pretty.”

“There’s gonna be a lot more of those, just you wait. By next month you’re gonna be tired of them.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I will,” Lena replies, finally lifting the cup to her lips and drinking it. She means it though; she is never going to get tired of the way she feels on this Tuesday morning. She is never going to get tired of waking up to Kara being there, smiling at her like this. Like she deserves this.

“You have a little-“ Kara gestures to her mouth, “foam.” And before Lena can move to wipe it away, Kara leans across the bed to kiss it away with the softest of kisses.

When she leans back to her side of the bed again, Lena is still smiling at her, open and overjoyed and Kara shakes her head a little, “What?”

And Lena just smiles and says, “I just can’t believe a cute girl likes me.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kara's last evening in London rolls around and neither one of them is really prepared for it. Kara’s flight is leaving at 10am the next morning and her suitcases are packed already (more Lena’s doing than her own) and are standing in the middle of her living room, a steady reminder of everything that has happened in that past month and of everything that is lying ahead of them, bright and untouched.

They’re on Kara’s couch. It is folded out like it had been every night during those first weeks and the TV is running in the background, showing a re-run of a David Attenborough show they’ve already watched a million times. Lena is tucked into Kara’s arms, legs tangled and head nestled into that space of Kara’s neck that allows her to almost slip into her, that makes her fit perfectly.

Both of them are quiet, content to just hold on to the other, unwilling to let go.

It’s just two weeks.

Lena pulls back a little, smiling at the little grumble it elicits from Kara.

“Come on,” she says, sitting up.

“What are you doing?”

“It’ll be a long two weeks and I think it’s time for some cheering up.”

“Okay?” Kara sits up as well, watching as Lena mutes the TV and plucks her phone into the stereo. Her expression stays confused until the first soft beats of _And I love Her_ by the Beatles wash through the room. The drums set in in their familiar way and Kara smiles at the soft beat, at the way it’s tinted with memories of her childhood, memories of Eliza and Jeremiah dancing in the kitchen to songs just like this one, at memories of the only love she had ever known before this.

 “May I have this dance?” Lena asks then, offering her hand to Kara. She is standing in the middle of the room in her pink pajamas, all tousled hair and open palms, and Kara doesn’t hesitate before getting up herself and reaching out for the offered hand.

Lena pulls her in, her arm comes around her waist, hands clasping as the two of them begin swaying gently to the soft tune of a guitar as gentle voices sing of love and stars and never-ending.

 

* * *

  

Heathrow Airport is busy the next morning. People are buzzing through the terminal, crowding in front of the big signs reading the departure times. There are families pushing trolleys packed with luggage and staff driving through the wide halls on little carts. And in the midst of the commotion, Kara and Lena are standing in front of the security check. Lena had insisted on driving with her and seeing her off at the terminal and Kara is glad she is here now, standing with her underneath a cluster of bright signs, holding her hand.

 “It’s just two weeks,” Kara says. She has her little backpack slung across one shoulder and her boarding pass in the hand not presently holding onto Lena’s. She sounds like she is trying to convince herself more than she is trying to convince Lena. Like if she said this enough it would become easier to leave her behind.

 “I’m still gonna miss you,” Lena grumbles a little. She is wearing flats today, so comes up a little shorter than Kara and has to tilt her head up a little to press a kiss onto her lips.

They both know that it’s time for Kara to go through security if she doesn’t want to miss her flight but Kara just squeezes Lena’s hand a little harder and leans in again, presses another sweet kiss onto Lena’s lips before eventually letting go.

“Yeah, I’m gonna miss you, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you so much for reading and leaving such lovely comments on this story! All of you are so lovely and kind and inspire me every day! Also a belated merry christmas to you all, I hope you've had a brilliant holiday season!


	10. Chapter 10

 Kara is lying on her living room sofa, tucked into several layers of blankets, a cup of hot cocoa in one hand and her phone in the other. She’s been on skype with Lena for the past three hours and while she loves talking to her, she still misses her terribly, in a way she wasn’t entirely prepared for. Missing Lena is like something hungry inside of her, something with teeth and claw marks and she doesn’t like the way she is feeling feral with the need for her. The missing for her.

It’s 8pm in National City and Kara’s already adjusted to the time change, having been back for two days. She is, however, also very aware of the way Lena’s eyes are drooping and of the way she is tilting the phone away from her face every once in a while in order to hide a yawn.

“You should probably sleep,” Kara finds herself saying. She bites back the urge to brush her fingers across Lena’s features on the screen. She’d done so before and accidently ended the call and so she is now reducing herself to just watching her.

“I know,” Lena replies, yawning again, this time more obvious though.

 There is a small pause during which neither one of them moves and for a second Kara wonders whether the screen has frozen, before she sees Lena shift a little.

“So…are you going to?” She asks, a small smile playing on her lips. But it’s only when she hears what Lena says next that it spreads into a full smile, a sun-like smile as Lena has called it before. The one only reserved for her. “Will you stay on the line?”

“Of course,” she replies immediately, wrapping the blanket closer around her chest.

There is another pause during which Kara sees Lena slip beneath her own blankets. She’s been lying in her bed the entire time but it’s only now that she properly slips into it, blankets tugged right underneath her chin, the white fabric a stark contrast to her dark hair which is fanned out across the pillow. She looks absolutely adorable blinking at the camera with sleepy eyes and Kara is tempted to take a screenshot but knows that Lena would hate her for it.

“Can I ask you something?” Lena asks after finding a comfortable position.

“Sure.”

“Did you have fairytales on Krypton?” Lena asks this in the shy way she always gets whenever she speaks of Krypton. Because she wants to know, wants to know Krypton, wants to know the way it has shaped Kara. But she also knows that it still hurts her to speak of it, that it still splits her open inside and so she is always mindful, always shy whenever asking for another piece of information, always offering her a way of declining to answer; and Kara cannot express how grateful she is of the way Lena treats her heritage, her past, her scars.

“Yes, we did,” she answers though. Because the night is soft and she’s always loved nights like this when she was back on Krypton _. Nights filled with light_ , her mother had called them. And that’s how she feels, with Lena here on the phone with her, whispering softly into her ear. Alight. “Or we had something very close to it. We had myths and legends.”

“Will you tell me one?” Lena requests silently, eyes almost shut, lips barely peeking out of the blanket.

“Sure, let’s see… I think I’m going to tell you the story of a girl who fell in love with the moon on a starless night.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lena is sitting at her desk with her work spread out in front of her. It’s already late afternoon and the sun is painting the room in soft orange and dusty rose. She’ll be finished with these papers soon, then maybe prepare a meeting for the next day, maybe ring one of her analysts to give her an update, maybe ring Kara. She has a definite order of preference.

Before she can get to that order though, before she can finish her papers at all in fact, her phone starts buzzing next to her and lights up with Kara’s picture.

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” she asks upon picking up, a fond smile spreading across her lips as it always does when it comes to Kara.

“I have a break,” she hears the blonde laugh into her ear.

“Oh good.”

“Am I interrupting?” Kara asks then and Lena immediately shakes her head even though she knows Kara can’t see her.

“No, of course not.”

“Cool, so, I have a serious question so don’t laugh at me okay.”

“Okay,” Lena replies with a bit of hesitance at the ominous introduction.

“How do I get spaghetti stains out of my walls?”

“Kara-“ Lena starts, the laughter already touching her lips at the question.

“Before you lecture me, I just wanted to cook a meal so I could surprise you with homemade carbonara when you come home,” Kara whines a little and it sounds so genuine, so adorably _her_ that Lena feels herself be filled with a new rush of fondness for her.

“That’s very sweet but I’d appreciate it much more if you didn’t endanger your life until I am back to chaperone,” she chastises but there is not bite to her tone, only softness and that smile that shapes her words.

“Will you make carbonara with me when you get home then?”

“Yes, also The Apprentice is starting again so we might be able to combine the two,” Lena says excitedly. She’s only seen the alert for the new season this morning and had made a mental note to tell Kara as soon as possible.

“I can’t wait,” she hears Kara sigh into the receiver then.

“Me either.”

There is a moment of silence where the only thing that fills the speaker is the sound of Kara’s gentle breathing and the quiet background noise filtering through from Kara’s office like someone walking on heels, and someone typing on a computer.

“Lena?”

“Yes.”

“Is it embarrassing that I miss you when it’s only been five days?” Kara asks and Lena is once again flooded with warmth, feels her lips curve upwards and shakes her head a little, eyes closing with the feeling of this. This. Kara.

“I don’t know,” she replies. “But I really miss you, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

The next time they’re on skype, Kara is at Alex’ place and they’re talking while Alex is preparing dinner with Maggie in the kitchen.

“Can you believe they’re trying to get me to eat vegan food?” Kara is exclaiming at the moment, eyes filled with genuine indignation.

“There is lovely vegan food, Kara.”

“You like kale. You are not entitled to an opinion.”

“Kale is also lovely, maybe you just need to expand your horizon a little.”

“My horizon is plenty expanded thank you very much,” Kara huffs. “The amount of times you’ve made me eat it alone has expanded my horizon into territories I never wanted to reach.”

“And you still ate it anyway.”

“Yes, for you,” Kara says just as Alex steps through the doorway.

“You’re so whipped,” Alex comments while reaching for some plates from the cupboard.

“I’m not,” Kara exclaims.

“Would you still eat kale for her?”

“I-“

“Would you?” Lena asks, laughing in the small skype video on Kara’s phone.

“Yeah, I would,” Kara replies defeated, which causes Alex to mouth a small “whipped” at Maggie who has been watching the entire conversation with a smile from behind the kitchen counter.

“Also Kara,” Alex says while already stepping back toward the stove.

“Yes?”

“There is a building on fire,” she points at the TV running on mute in the background which does indeed show a building set entirely aflame and the National City fire brigade attempting to control it. “So if you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend for like half an hour to save these people that would be great.”

Kara turns back to the Skype screen with a regretful expression on her face.

“Go,” Lena just says.

“I’ll see you later.” Kara blows a kiss at the camera and ends the call just in time to hear Lena say a quick, “Be safe,” before blowing a kiss back at her.

 

* * *

 

 

“You know, I wish you’d just let me fly over to you,” Kara says while on skype a week later. It’s the fifth time she has started this discussion during the past nine days of being back in National City and she is honestly quite offended that Lena is still standing her ground. She’s used her best persuasion tactics on her after all. Puppy eyes, pouts, and all.

“Kara-“

“I know, I know it would take too much energy and you deem it unnecessary… but being with you makes me very happy. Surely being with you would give me much more energy out of sheer happiness than the flight could possibly take.”

“Yeah I’m not sure it works like that,” Lena replies with a fond smile.

“Lena,” Kara whines, drawing the _a_ out at the end.

“Kara, you are still recovering from a Kryptonite attack, your strength is still strained and I’m not allowing you to blow your energy like this when I come back in a couple days anyway.”

Kara groans at this and pouts into the camera, and Lena has to laugh a little at her antics.

“You know I’d much rather have you here right?”

“I know,” Kara grumbles.

“Just a couple more days.”

“I know.”

“I love you,” she says with a small smile, tilting her head at Kara who is smirking now, so Lena adds. “If you say _I know_ right now-“

But Kara only smiles, an eye crinkling, lip biting kind of smile and says, “I love you, too.” She always says it back. Every time. And Lena always feels light with it. Elated to be saying it, elated to be hearing it. Light. Light. Light. Every time.

 

* * *

 

 

Then, finally, it’s 14 days later. 14 days after Kara had left London behind. And she is back on her way to the airport to pick up Lena. She gets there early and stands in front of the arrivals gate for a while, eyes hardly ever leaving the screen above her head, telling her when flight SF1225 from London is set to arrive.

She is considering using her laser eyes on the monitor by the time it finally flips the plane’s status to landed and lights up green.

When the doors finally opens and people begin to filter out, Kara steps forward, eyes quickly searching the crowd, ears filtering through the noise of them already, trying to pinpoint the person she is looking for. She finds Lena’s heartbeat easily, recognizes it through the commotion, through the shouts of welcome and hello. She would recognize it anywhere. It’s soft and sure and _Lena_ and she is finally coming home. She can hear that she is almost at the door, stepping through it now. Kara can make out the way her heartbeat is speeding up and so she quickly turns her head and finds Lena’s eyes beaming back at her.

“Kara,” she hears her sigh more than anything else and that about does it for her.

She tries to keep to a human pace, she really does, but she still covers the distance between them in one swift move, feet barely touching the ground. As soon as she reaches her, she lifts Lena up into her arms and swings her around. Lena’s arms come around Kara’s neck to embrace her and she laughs and laughs and laughs until Kara finally puts her back down and looks at her in a breathless kind of way.

Lena’s arms are still around her and she uses them to pull Kara closer into her embrace and finally closes the distance between the two of them by touching her lips onto Kara’s in an almost bruising kiss. Kara’s arms come around Lena’s waist then, securing her to her as she sighs into the kiss. Kara can taste the way Lena smiles, feels the way her lips are still soft with laughter and thinks that this, right here, might just be her favorite moment, her favorite feeling in the entire world.

When they finally part both of them are a little breathless, a little disheveled, and a little bit exhilarated. Kara’s hair is a mess and so, Lena gently cards her hands through the soft, blonde curls in order to fix it. When she is done, she presses another, softer kiss onto Kara’s lips before wrapping her into a tight embrace.

“I’ve missed you,” she whispers into Kara’s hair.

“I’ve missed you, too,” she whispers back, holding Lena as tight as she dares. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

They stand like this for a little while until Kara eventually pulls back and takes both of Lena’s hands into her own.

 “Ready?” She asks then. Meaning this. Meaning us. Meaning life.

And Lena just smiles and nods. Meaning yes. Meaning anything with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the last chapter of this story and I am quite frankly amazed that I made it through. There were so many moments where I thought I’d leave it unfinished, or when I got so insecure I nearly deleted the whole thing, but I didn’t and it’s actually complete now and I honestly can’t quite believe it.  
> Thank you to every single one of you for your support, for all the lovely comments and messages, the kudos, etc. Your kindness inspired me endlessly and really helped me through writing this.  
> Also special thanks to the gc for all your support and gentle (not so gentle, looking at u Cora) harassment. And also to Ally for letting me rant and complain endlessly to you.  
> Also, if you’re still around, thank you to the anon who prompted this to me all those months ago. I hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit.  
> Tumblr: dancingontiptoes  
> Twitter: concreteskies


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